Oxytocin

Seven

The reaction wasn't happening at the speed it ought to be. This was irking Suyansh more than he expected. He knew not to expect it, as it was still in the preliminary stages, but it was going on much more slower than he expected. He wanted to almost smash the beaker when he noticed a small watch glass laying next to the stirrer. He felt like kicking himself so hard. He hadn't added the catalyst and was still hoping for the reaction to go fast. How dumb was he!

"Well, I wouldn't say you're dumb but if your thoughts aren't in the experiment, how did you even expect to do the basic steps without missing it?" Asked his brain. He sighed. His thoughts most definitely weren't in the experiment at all today. How was he to finish his research, perfect it, and write an entire thesis on it, when in reality, all his thoughts seemed to be consumed by a girl? It was annoying. He hated his heart for deciding, for allowing his feelings for her. He hated the fact that a simple statement affected him this much. Why did he have to decide to fall for her, more like allow himself to truly embrace his emotions towards her now only to have her reject him? Maybe she didn't mean it like that. Maybe he was overreacting.

What did she mean by she was done with it? Did she not care anymore? Did she not harbor any feelings at all? Was it all gone? Was he the only one who kept on thinking about this and hoping to get a chance at redemption?

He hated his head, the way it overthought every single small thing. He hated how deeply he felt for her. He hated how cowardly he had acted before. He hated that she now treated him like almost a stranger. He even hated how his best friend was able to effortlessly make conversation with her while he was still just staring at her from afar.

Why was the world so cruel? Or maybe he was a coward. If only he hadn't backed away then, he would truly be living life different. Happy or sad, but it would truly be different, but definitely one without regret.

"Hi, sir." He heard a voice from afar, which made him turn. Gods, she looked stunning. He simply waved at her, and apparently, that's all the encouragement she needed. She immediately came towards him and greeted him. Never being much bothered by attracting female attention before, Suyansh ran a hand through his hair, hoping to make it look better, whilst she was going on about her day so far. She talks a lot, he noticed, but what else he noticed was her expression. She was going on about how she was almost bored out of her mind in chemistry lectures. Her expressions as she said what she was feeling and how she almost slept. Gosh. Adorable. He just felt a weird urge to pinch her cheeks as she stood there, puffing them at how unfair it felt to fall asleep in the lecture on her favorite subject. 

Shaking his head to clear out those thoughts, he went, "You know even if you do feel sleepy, you should learn the content somehow or the other, else how are you going to score well?"

"Well, sir, didn't you specialise in organic? Can't you teach me these portions?" she asked back meekly. Damn, she was good. 

"How did you know I did my research in organic?" Suyansh asked back, shocked. It wasn't such a hard piece of information to figure out, but still, he was shocked she had collected this much information about him.

"Ah well, sir, I have my sources. Won't be nice to reveal them, would it?"  The sly look she gave him sent a chill down his spine, as well as excited him too. He, for some reason, wanted to know how much she could surprise him.

"Well, I am sorry to say, but I don't think I will be able to teach you because you have been assigned to Declan." Her face dropped. He was so sure that he saw a visible streak of sadness cross her face. He hadn't been enraptured by women, neither did he have a girlfriend before, but he certainly knew how to read a person's face, especially that of a female, to understand what she was feeling, without her even having to tell him. And what he had understood from this was that she preferred him teaching her more than Declan. Heck, she preferred him more than anyone else. His heart ebbed with pride for some reason. 

"Ah well, no worries, sir. I shall pester him then." She replied, yet it was clearly visible that her enthusiasm had decreased. She then walked away, normally, not at all with the usually bouncy step she had when she had rushed to meet him. Suyansh, for some reason, felt happy. The why, he couldn't figure out, but one thing was certain. He liked her attention. 

He smiled at the memory. It was years back, but each and every antic of her stayed fresh in his memory. That was how much her thoughts filled his memory, but what did she mean by "I am done with him." That was what upset him the most. For since that day, the first day of the semester, the day he saw her again, the day he finally realized the depths of his feelings towards her, ever since that day, he had been trying to approach her, only to fail majestically. For ever since the start, it had always been she who approached him and not the other way around.

He sighed and restarted the experiment once more, double checking twice or thrice that he added all the required reagents and catalysts.

Just as he set up the experiment, he heard the door of his lab open. Turning around, he saw Declan coming in. A wave of jealousy rushed over him, making him shiver at the intensity. He shook himself as if trying to dispense it before Dec had reached the table.

"You sure you're good, Ansh?"

"Why wouldn't I be?" Suyansh asked, trying to be nonchalant as possible, and continued meddling with his beakers and testtubes.

Declan was sure he saw a wave of jealous flit across his face, followed by one of sadness. He knew Suyansh had heard what Dia said. But what he didn't know was Dia was too affected by the entire meeting, if any more than Suyansh.

"Are you really sure you are done with him, Dia?"  Declan had asked in a soft voice. He heard her breath increasing and moved seats next to her. She turned to look at him.

Her eyes glistened as she spoke, " I am not ready to be hurt again, sir. Please let this go." Declan put his arm around her. He felt bad for this little girl, whom he considered as a sister he never had. He hated seeing her weak, that too due to no one other than his own best friend.

"What if I said that he too feels the same?" He asked in a gentle voice.

"What difference will it make? Do you think I don't know that he feels the same way as I do? Do you want to know what else I know? That even though Suyansh feels that way, he will not make an effort. Thus, as usual, I will be the one who tries, and I will be the one who ends up getting hurt." She replied and looked back down at the remant food on her plate. She had now lost her appetite, too, yet she continued eating, for she knew she would feel hungry later.

"Will you allow yourself to be not done with him if he makes the effort this time?" Declan asked softly.

"He won't. So why even hope?" She asked, looking at him again.

"Just answer yes or no."

"It's a maybe. No one else had thus far captivated me like Suyansh did. So he has time till that. But he won't, so I am not even going to hope."

"Well, that's fair."

She shook her head, smiling, and got up, "I got classes after this, sir. Nice talking to you," she said as she turned to walk off.

"You're like my little sister, and you can call me Declan now. I am no longer a demonstrator for you, Dia." He called back.

"Well, in that case, see you round Declan."

Declan smiled as he remembered the conversation and the expression he saw on his friend's face. He also noticed how he seemed to be absent mindedly meddling with the beakers and testtubes, just to avoid looking at him.

"It's time Suyansh does something." He thought, as he sat down on the stool nearby. It was going to be a long night.