Growing Apart

Five | Riley

I had debating not showing up at all on Monday morning. Something about waking up alone on Sunday left me feeling used and even more unwanted then before
For the entire of Sunday, I didn't get a single call, a single text. Nothing but radio silence from James which meant what happened between us was nothing more then a mistake in his eyes
I was stupid to think that was us attempting to fix things. Attempting to get back on track..

"Riles, there you are!" Emily smiled walking from the corridor over to me before practically dragging me into Studio A where everyone else stood smiling and laughing 
A feeling I could not mimic right now

Looking amongst everyone, I could already feel his gaze on me but I didn't want to look back at him
The moment I did I would crumble 
"Right so where are we now?" Emily asked
"James did you and Riles find some places to host?" Michelle asked making me close my eyes instantly, I could feel a mixture of gazes on my now
"I uh" James started
I opened my eyes to meet Emily's glance giving her a pleading look that was met with a nod
"Boys why don't you help James out with that and Riley can join the girls in putting together the schedule" Emily said allowing everyone to disburse 

The moment we were all in our little bubbles, Emily wrapped an arm around me taking me to her office 
The unlucky part to that is the windows still looked out onto Studio A meaning anyone could turn and look at us and see what was going on 

As soon as she got into the office she shut her door turning to me 
Emily and I have always had a hit and miss relationship. We're always there when we need each other but we also push each other when we know we need it 
So this conversation could go one of two ways
But the moment her arms open wide, I know which Sister I have in the room with me 

"What happened Riles" She whispered softly the moment I fell into her arms. She held my tightly doing her best to keep me out of sight of wondering eyes
"I can't be here right now Em" I said tears slipping out instantly
"I'm being a child I know but I can't" I cried 

"Talk to me, tell me what happened. Let me try and help" She pleaded making me look over my shoulder meeting James' gaze instantly 
"We slept together, Saturday night" I explained 
"Okay? That's not bad Riley, I mean you two are grown- She started before narrowing her eyes towards James
"What did he do Riley" She said, her tone a lot darker then it had been before

"He was gone before I woke up. We slept together and then he left me all over again" I cried falling deeper in to her arms

After calming myself down, Emily agreed to let me go under the presumption I would try and come back tomorrow
I would be back and she knew that
One thing I cannot stand is the idea of letting people down

As soon as I got back to my apartment I could help but want to fall straight into a deep sleep but I knew that there was something I needed to do first.. Something I should have done a long time ago

--

"Riley?" Emily's voice called a few hours later as she walked into my apartment. The moment she got Mum and Dad's house and I got this place we exchanged keys in case of emergencies 
"Hey you" She smiled coming over to me in the living room
The entire scene in front of me was enough to set a sane person over the edge
"You're getting rid of all of it?" She asked looking down at everything in front of me 

There were any and all photos that James, all of the small trinkets that I had collected through our relationship. I even found a few pieces of clothing that belonged to you alongside things he had bought for me 
I needed it gone before I had the chance to forgive and forget what has just occurred 

"Riles I don't know about this. I get what happened was fucked up but do you really want to throw it all away?" She asked placing an arm around me
"Yes" Was all I said standing up walking towards the kitchen to get some water 

With all of that still in the house it was like I was holding on to him, holding on to some sort of hope that we could work things out
And maybe we could have but not anymore

All I wanted was an answer, some sort of reasoning as to why he left but instead I've been ignored and blanked. I called him, I gave in last night and called him but it didn't matter. I got no response at all 

"So it's really over for both of you then?" Emily asked placing the final box by the front door
"You make it sound like I have a choice Em. He didn't come back, but then when he did he left again with no reasoning behind it" I explained
"have you tried talking to h-" 
"Of course I have! Do you not think that would have been the first thing I would have tried honestly?" I argued
"I love him Emily, I don't know how to stop" I cried earning a sign from Emily as she step towards pulling me against her chest

"It's going to hurt but it'll get better Riley, I promise" She whispered stroking my back lightly but I shook my head

I really cannot see how this was going to get any better right now...