Beyond Goodbye | #ONC2023

12 || Epilogue

I give her this sly grin. "See? I knew you had it in you."

"Yeah, yeah, fine. I'm giving in. The movie's trash, okay?" Amara retorts, a hint of sass in her voice. "Had my hopes, TikTok. Such a letdown. And you know what? Screw all the thousands of people who commented, saying the movie was great."

Then, out of nowhere, Mom chimes in, "Love this part. So funny," acting like she wasn't snoring away a second ago.

"Nice try, Mother. The movie's been over for ages," Amara shoots back.

Almost two hours later, the movie finally wraps up, and I'm the only one left awake in the room. Avery fought the good fight, hanging on until we hit the best part - the ending. But now, she's out for the night. Me? I'm nowhere near yawning, and the idea of sleep is as distant as a UFO sighting.

So, I prop myself up, surveying the room. First up, Mom. She's all bundled up on the couch, sprawled diagonally across from me. Half of the blanket is on the floor, while the other half's clinging to her legs for dear life. I can't help but grin at her snoozing form, wondering how she's going to react to my death. Is losing another family member going to tear her apart? The Emerson clan is getting smaller and smaller, and it's not fair. I just hope she doesn't work even harder, and take it out on the twins. They'll need her.

Shifting my gaze, I find my sisters still cuddled up under each other's embrace, looking like they're back in the womb. Through all the ups and downs, I wouldn't trade a single thing about these two. Yeah, we've had our dark times, no doubt, but when we're good, it's like pure magic. It's been way too long since I've felt this way, and it blows having to give it away.

But hey, the show must go on, right? Cue the positive talk.

Carefully, I wriggle out of the blanket and get up, my steps cautious as I creep into the dining room. My thoughts are spinning at warp speed, my legs pacing around the table like they're possessed. It's only a matter of moments before the dam breaks, and silent sobs wrench through me.

I thought I could go out happy, exit on my own terms, but what's so powerful about dying? Where's the joy in parting from the people you love, knowing they'll shatter without you?

Why do I have to die? Why does my brain turn on me?

I've never hurt anyone in my life. Yeah, sure, maybe I've let out words I didn't mean, but I'm not a bad person. I'm not burdened by guilt, and I've stayed clear of wrongdoings. Okay, sure, I've jaywalked a few times, and, fine, I stole small things before, but who hasn't? Why me? I'll never get a chance to actually experience life.

Feeling weaker by the second, I slump into a chair by the table, clutching my shirt where my heart seems to tremble.

While I'm staring off into the distance, my eyes focus on a notepad and pen. Before I know it, I'm just writing whatever comes to mind.

Dear Triple A:

If you're reading this letter, I'm probably already gone. I'll likely be in a coma, but I won't make it. Please don't try to keep me alive on tubes because it'll only make this harder for you guys, and that's the last thing I want. I know this is going to be hard because we just lost daddy, and now me, but you'll get through it. You are all so much stronger than me, and I have no doubt this will bring you all together, and make you even stronger. I can't tell you not to be sad, but I can tell you that I think I'll be okay. Well, I hope I'll be okay. I'm not really sure what's next for me, but I'm grateful for all the time I got to spend with all of you. I wish it was on better terms than this last year, but all of this was new to me too, and I tried making the best of it. I know you guys are probably wondering what's happening. How did I know, or if I did this to myself? Please, just talk to Avery, she knows. But be easy on her because it was really hard to believe.