At all Cost

Chapter 20

"They already corrupted your mind. I see... how shameful."

The longings in his eyes awhile ago changed into mere nothingness like a dark place with no single light. It felt like a dagger darted inside my chest and the pain slowly penetrates.

What happened to their friendship? I wanted to take my words back and apologize. How can I say such words? How rude I am!? Am too is already engulfed with my own rage and it should not be like that. They are precious to me and I love them so much. Even if they betrayed us, still, I shouldn't said those words to hurt him.

Love is not supposed to be angered. Love is patient and kind and understanding. I should learn to hear them out.

They grudge towards each other must not lead into killing each other. Violence is not the answer to end this battle. They should talk and have an agreement. Hindi dapat ako pumapanig sa isa lang. I should be the one who will finish this one. I won't let anyone hurt each other physically.

Tears started to stream down again in my cheeks as I realized everything. I shouldn't be mad at him, at my mother.

"I'm sorry... Lolo. Hindi dapat tayo humantong sa ganito. Whatever happened to the past can we just put an end here. Nakikiusap ako lolo itigil niyo na po. Please talk to Mr. Barret... m-makipag ayos na po kayo sa kanya. Wag niyo na pong pairalin ang galit niyo sa kanya." I began to beg, kneeling infront of him as I clasped both my palms. I was sobbing.

Umiling iling ito na tila hindi kumbinsado sa sinasabi ko.

"You're too soft from this war. You're too kind for this cruel world and you don't deserve it. I told you not to meddle,right? Dapat nagturo kalang at hindi na pinagtuunan nang pansin ang mga bagay bagay."

He said so softly as he began to kneel down too to match our height. He gently patted my head. Nanlaki ang mata ko sa ginawa niyang iyon. After all those years, I still miss this gesture of him– him patting my head everytime I am crying. After all, he's my favorite lolo. Mas lalo lang akong pumalahaw ng iyak.

"I meddle because I wanted to protect those students. Pakiusap marami na ang nasasaktan at nahihirapan sa ginagawa niyo lolo."

"You still don't know everything, apo. You should take care of yourself."

Can I tell him my reason why I badly want to protect those students even if it means putting my life at stake? Even if it means going against him?

Choosing my family over those bullied students hurt me so bad. Should I choose my family, and live a peaceful life, and burried my past that is haunting me, and leave behind my oath to myself that I'll help bullied students or choose those students and keep my promise to myself, but in order to do that it'll make my family suffer.

Choosing those students means abandoning my family.

What should I do?

"Lolo... pakiusap po." I held his hand, but he gradually took off my hands on his hand, and shaking his head. He signifies that his decision is final. He stood up and extended his hand to help me to get up. I was just staring at it thinking if I will accept it.

Hindi ko na ba talaga mababago ang desisyon niya? Wala na ba talagang ibang paraan maliban sa karahasan? Why did it ended up like this? Bakit ang daming nadadamay sa away nila? May mas malalim pa bang dahilan kaya hindi na lang ito basta mapag-uusapan?

"Get up. He shouldn't be seing you in this kind of state."

I accepted his hand and help me get up. May mapait na ngiti ang nakapaskil sa labi ko habang tinitignan ang ekspresyon nito. Ito ba ang dahilan kaya nais niyang makipag usap sa akin? Ang ipamukha sa akin na wala akong magagawa kundi ang tigilan na ang pagpaplanong itigil ang nais niya?