this is me trying | taylor swift

seventeen

❝crazy to think that this could work❞

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

Breakfast the morning following Abby finding out about Ella's secret was awkward, to say the least. 

"Guys, I have news. Tree was contacted by HBO Max, and they want to do a docuseries about the tour. Apparently fans are super into the logistics and all that background stuff that goes into this tour like setting up, me traveling and preparing since it is such a huge production and yeah I think it's super cool. Whaddya think?" Taylor asked as she looked at her friend and sister. Ella remained silent, and Abby stared off into the distance, occasionally glancing over at Ella.

"Guys?" Taylor asked, deeply confused. The older blonde tried to make contact with her best friend, so as to inquire about the weird stares she was giving Ella, with no success. She nervously adjusted her bangs as she took out and retied her bun holding her fair locks. 

The room remained silent, as Ella used her fork to twirl the contents of her omelet around her plate, staring off into the abyss, and Abby eyed her. 

Both girls were at odds. On one side, Abby was hyper focused on all things Ella, analyzing her eating habits and every movement. The older woman was in a constant battle with herself, questioning if she should tell her best friend, every fiber in her being pointing towards the obvious right thing to do. On the other hand, Ella was so anxious, she could not bear the thought of physically holding down her breakfast, hence playing with her food. She knew that her secret was not safe and by the looks of it, Abby could crack at any given moment.

"Okay, someone needs to tell me what's going on, right now," Taylor demanded, setting down her cup of coffee forcefully, which caused some of the liquid inside to pour out as she made eye contact with Abby and Ella, each looking more guilty than the other. 

Abby gulped, feeling overwhelmed and guilty for hiding such an important thing from her best friend. She looked over at Ella, who refused to make eye contact with her, before looking back at Taylor. Taylor thought she saw fear flash through Ella's eyes for a split second as she glanced at Abby, before being replaced with another stoic expression. 

"Taylor, I --" Abby began, pushing away her plate as she placed her arms on the table. Ella looked over at the older girl, her heart beating out of her chest as she began to feel nauseous, and not from the food. Abby couldn't tell Taylor, she wouldn't do that to her. Would she? Ella couldn't sit around and risk finding out. 

"It was me!" Ella interrupted abruptly, causing the attention to the room to now be focused on her. Abby stared at her, wide-eyed and Taylor looked concerned as she wondered what was going on. The youngest of the group continued, "Sorry, it was because of me. I had a bad panic attack last night and Abby came into my room and saw me and helped me through it. I begged her not to tell and she wanted to because she didn't wanna keep it from you, but I made her. I'm sorry. But I'm okay and Abby walked me through it and stayed with me after. I'm so lucky she was there, I couldn't have done it without her," Ella explained, now turning her attention to face the red-head, "Thank you Babi. I love you and am so lucky to have you," Ella finished, reaching over and grabbing Abby's hand, her fingers cold to the touch.

Ella knew it was wrong of her to guilt Abby into staying silent, but the way she saw it, she did not have a choice. She couldn't wait around and risk Abby exposing her to her sister. This at least bought her some time. That's all she needed, a little more time. 

"Oh Ella, why didn't you tell me babe?" Taylor instantly softened, getting up from her seat and moving around the table to hug her younger sister. Ella immediately felt herself tense, before relaxing in Taylor's arms. She gripped onto the older girl for dear life and was suddenly overpowered with an influx of emotions, the strongest being guilt. She hated lying to Taylor and hated that Abby had to lie to her too, and most of all, hated that it was all her fault. Ella didn't realize when she began crying, but sure enough, there she was, at the dining room table, sobbing into her sister's t-shirt and gripping onto her, as Taylor rubbed her back and kissed the top of her head and Abby watched the two sisters she cared deeply for, feeling herself to be at great odds.