this is me trying | taylor swift

sixteen

"I asked if you were doing okay," Abby reiterated, meeting Ella's eyes with a warm expression. Abby maintained her calm façade, but internally, she could practically explode as she bounced her leg under the table.

"Oh yeah, I'm fine, Abs. Still exhausted from my nap," Ella laughed as she felt her palms get sweaty. Abby looked at her with an unreadable expression on her face, not quite believing her. The bright, red flags were everywhere, and she had simply been too blind to notice them.

"Did you not like the Alfredo?" The older woman asked Ella a few minutes later, after Ella had not made any further progress with her meal.

"No, the Alfredo was amazing! I'm still just full from lunch and my stomach hurts a bit," Ella explained to her sister's best friend. "Will you excuse me? I need to use the restroom," She finished, before getting up, leaving Abby at the table alone.

If her suspicions weren't confirmed by then, they were definitely confirmed with that statement. Abby felt her heart beat quickly in her chest as she felt tears rush to the surface.

"I'm still full from lunch"

December 2014

"Taylor, are you okay?" Abby asked her best friend, who was unusually quiet. Abby was sitting on the couch, Meredith at her feet, as she used her toes to gently pet the cat. She peered over to see what Taylor was looking at so intently on her phone and wasn't surprised to see it was a picture of herself, that the paparazzi had taken that morning.

"Okay, what's going on? You've been staring at those pictures for ten minutes now," Abby responded a few minutes later, after realizing that Taylor wasn't going to stop anytime soon. After being ignored again, Abby reached over and locked her best friend's phone, which grabbed her attention instantly.

"Hey! That wasn't nice," Taylor emphasized, swatting Abby's hand away as she quickly put in her passcode and opened up the Twitter application again, resuming her self-stalking. The blonde singer zoomed into the picture, focusing on various parts on her body. First, she would zoom into her legs and then her midriff and so forth. This process would then repeat for every single picture in the paparazzi-taken album that was posted on the account.

"Tay, this hyper-analyzing thing you're doing can't be good for you, babe," Abby reminded her friend gently as she saw Taylor's eyes well with tears, before the singer turned to look at her.

"Be honest, Abby. Do you think I'm fat?" Taylor felt a few tears escape her eyes, as they made their way down her face. Taylor hated how the paparazzi had stripped away any form of privacy she had. Everything had to become a spectacle, even something as simple as getting food from a street vendor, which was what she was doing when said pictures were snapped. It was like she was the shell of a person who did not deserve humanity.

"Taylor, what are you talking about?" Abby asked her friend, completely gobsmacked by the question. Of course Taylor wasn't fat. She was far from it and Abby couldn't believe the question her friend was asking. Abigail felt a rage deep within her at the thought of someone causing her person so much pain.

"No, Taylor. Of course not, honey. Where's this coming from?" Abby inquired, seriously worried for her best friend as she turned to direct her attention fully on her.

"But look," Taylor exclaimed, shoving the phone in Abby's face. The picture, taken at a horrible angle, made Taylor look much different than she truly looked. Nonetheless, people shouldn't inquire on an individual's body no matter their shape or size, but sadly that is just not the way the cookie crumbles. One look at the comments, and Abby knew exactly where the doubts were coming from. People were mean. Cruel was an understatement.