𝐀𝐋𝐋 𝐌𝐘 𝐆𝐇𝐎𝐒𝐓𝐒 ; spencer reid ¹

3.1

Spencer attempts another sleepy smile, then frowns, confused. "Why was Dr. Nichols making anthrax in the first place?"

"He was a brain scientist downgraded to working on the flu." Morgan shrugs. "Brown comes along, asking for help on his thesis..."

"Probably more than happy to share his knowledge," Spencer finishes, nodding grimly.

"There was no indication that Nichols had any idea what Brown was planning," Morgan continues.

"His strain and its cure are getting locked up in containment at Fort Detrick," Dr. Kimura adds. "With all the other bioagents people don't know about."

"Really?" Morgan raises his eyebrows. "What else do they have locked up in there?"

There's a short, poignant silence until Spencer clears his throat and asks, "So...can I have Jell-O now?"

Both Morgan and Fin burst into laughter, the first time either of them have laughed since this whole thing started, and Fin nods, wiping a tear from her eye. "Yeah, Spence. We'll get you some Jell-O." She starts to stand up, but Spencer hangs onto her hand, pulling her back down.

"Um, Morgan, actually, could you give us a minute?" he asks.

Fin's heart skips a beat.

"Yeah, sure." Morgan gives him a smirk. "Don't do anything I wouldn't do."

After Morgan's gone, Spencer looks over at Fin and squeezes her hand gently. "Are you okay?"

"Am I okay?" She chuckles softly. "Spence, you're the one who almost died. I think I should be asking you that question."

"I'm actually fine. Just tired." And he yawns widely. "But... I thought I heard you say something. In the ambulance on the way here."

Fin tenses. She knows what she said. She'd never have said it if he weren't dying. She thought he was passed out.

"Did you say 'I love you'?" Spencer asks wisely, giving her that piercing, serious look she loves and hates.

"Um..." She takes a deep breath, runs her free hand over the knee of her pants, anything to keep from looking him in the eye. "You have to understand, Spencer, I was–"

"Did you say it?"

"I thought you were dying and–"

"Hazel." Spencer reaches over and tilts her chin up to look at him. "Did you say it?"

"Yes." It's a whisper, barely audible. It brings her back to that night in her apartment when he got her to say that someone was stalking her. "I thought you were going to die, so I said it. I said it because I was afraid I couldn't say it again."

Spencer's eyes widen. He leans back against his pillows, but his eyes never leave hers. "Hazel, I'm tired of this. Between us. I'm tired of the back and forth, the secret touches and then nothing for weeks. I don't know what you want."

The truth is that Fin doesn't know what she wants, either. This scares her but at the same time, there's no one else in the world that makes her feel as safe as the man who's holding her hand. It was Eleanor Roosevelt who said, "You must do the things you think you cannot do."

So Fin takes a deep breath and says, "I want you."

Spencer says nothing. He just watches her, and she takes it as a cue to go on. "I'm not good at this, I'm not good at talking about feelings, about what I want. But I want to trust you. I want to be with you."

"I want to be with you, too," Spencer says, and he's blushing furiously but smiling anyway. "I want you to know that I'm always here."

"I know." Fin wipes the tears from her eyes, laughing a little. "God, I'm always so close to tears these days."