Ice Cold

37

Wren Ridley

I stared at myself in the mirror, unable to recognize myself for a solid minute. It was like I was a separate person looking in on this pathetic boy in a private moment having a crisis.

I really didn't know who this person was staring back at me, this person who allowed another person to affect him so enormously.

What was I doing, mourning the loss of something that should have never mattered much in the first place? What was I doing, throwing myself into a pit of loneliness and sadness over someone who I was never supposed to care about?

My mind was in shambles, telling me conflicting things. Landon leaving me was a good thing, but also the worst thing. I was stronger than this, but I was also weaker than I'd ever been.

I hated not knowing what to do, losing control of my thoughts. It was something that rarely ever happened to me, and it was something I tried my hardest to avoid.

Landon walking away from me replayed in my mind over and over again. I couldn't stop it. It was like there was a film reel on my brain and that was the only footage.

I should have been prepared for one of us to leave. The little bubble we had was bound to blow up eventually. I thought I was prepared for this, but despite that, it still left me in anguish.

I took a few deep breaths and turned away from the mirror and went back to my dorm room.

James was out. I had been avoiding him. I couldn't take his questioning or even his talking in general. He talked too much. But I knew it was only a matter of time until he showed up, and I needed to figure something out before he got here.

I shut the door behind me and went over to James's unmade bed. I crouched down, reaching underneath it and feeling around until I found what I wanted. If I was in my right state of mind, I never would have done this. There was no telling what was under that bed, but at that moment I couldn't find it in me to care.

I pull a bottle out from under James's bed. It was vodka, which was fine, I didn't really have a preference at this point since all I wanted was to get my mind to do something else other than linger on Landon.

It was a stupid idea, and it was exactly what I judged everyone else for. Turning to alcohol to deal with emotions always felt cowardly to me. But now that I was feeling emotions that I had no idea what to do with, I understood why people did it.

I took a swig of the vodka and winced as I swallowed it, the burn lingering in my throat. I didn't even have time to take another sip before James barged in and ripped the bottle out of my hand.

"What are you doing with that?" he asked with a look of bewilderment. I'd never seen such a strange look on his face. His eyes were bulging out at me like I had two heads.

"Oh, nothing," I answered casually, standing up from the floor and handing James the cap to the bottle.

"Seriously!"

"Having a drink. What else would I be doing with it?"

I walked past him to my side of the room. It wasn't as tidy as I usually kept it, my bed unmade, my desk littered with open notebooks and pens.

"You don't drink, Wren," James said, turning to face me as I went to my bed.

"On occasion," I said with a shrug.

James shook his head. "No, you don't."

It was kind of funny seeing James so worked up. It momentarily made me forget all the sorrow I had been feeling.