How Cake Changed my Life

The Joys of Parenthood

Haha, hey guys! What a quick upload! That's what you get when it's already been written, I guess...

This chapter has no dedication, because, although Starcraft300 is a very worthy candidate, I've already dedicated a chapter from one of my other stories to her...

References: Prince Komali is a character from The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker, and Edward Elric is one of the main characters in Fullmetal Alchemist. Also, the members of Spandau Ballet are called Tony, Martin, Gary, John and Steve.

Another thing: the government in England are getting more and more neurotic about... well, everything, really. You've heard of cotton wool kids, right? It seems to me we're becoming a cotton wool country...

All will become clear if you just read on!

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At ten past seven, I was stood, on my own (thank you, George, for your extreme kindness and selflessness), outside the hall of the party, dressed in the Boy George t-shirt (thank you, George- I really mean it this time!), black, skinny jeans, and flat, red boots, with a red sparkly scarf tied around my backcombed hair. That, with my makeup, was my 80s tribute for the day. By a random stroke of miraculous luck, I had remembered the card and the presents.

Upon entering the base- sorry, party- I could instantly understand why George had chosen to stay at home and do sod all. The music was that irritating brand of princess pop, which, as a certain friend of mine would say, ‘made you want to puke flowers’, there were little girls in frilly frocks in various shades of pink running round the place like they’d been injected with caffeine, and enough sweets to stock Disneyland for the next ten years on the buffet table (with a few bits of salad lingering pointlessly round the side). The Pink Abomination took pride of place in the centre of them all, and its creator was right in the middle of the dance floor, dancing enthusiastically- though not necessarily well- to ‘Saturday Night’.

I searched the room for Emmy, who had been cornered by a large group of very mumsy-looking mums, most of which had thick-looking toddlers on their knees, each sporting a different animal costume.

I knew one, small, twenty-year-old coffee shop worker had no chance of stealing her away from the debate about the outrageous prices of children’s’ socks in Mothercare or whatever they were talking about, so I scanned the room for Graham instead. I found him kneeling down, trying, in vain, to remove the icing of a fairy cake from the carpet, with the help of a cocktail stick- the sausage it once speared, I could see, was in a child’s hair.

As I approached him, his head shot up, and he almost sighed with relief. “Thank God. A human. Welcome to the party formerly known as hell.”

I placed my hands on my hips, smirking. “I thought you were thrilled that your little princess was turning nine?”

He grimaced, standing up. “I was, until I realised that we’re probably going to be given ASBOs for the amount of mess we’ve made…” he gestured towards the pink, sugary mess beside him. “On the plus side, I get to see my darling stepsister make a complete prat of herself,” I glanced over at Mum, who was mutilating the ‘Macarena’. “Honestly, I don’t blame your dad for disappearing off round the world… anyway, I’m glad you’re here. Emmy’s been kidnapped, so I’m stuck on me todd picking bits of cake out the carpet with little Lucie’s hair accessory,” to make his point even clearer, he waved the cocktail stick in my face.

“And this, my dear Graham, is why the only kids I will mother are fictional characters adopted online,” I waved my hand towards the dance floor, where two of the girls- I couldn’t see who- were having one of those bratty, primary school arguments. Thank God Prince Komali and Edward Elric always got along just fine.