Not letting you go || wangxian ff

chapter 1.

"Let me go Lan Zhan.." a pitiful smile painting over his features. Lan Zhan was holding Wei wuxian's hand with great desperation as his own blood dribbled down his arm snaking it's way to the man he had in his grasp. His heart was thumping with grief-like anticipation, cold sweat breaking out on his forehead, his head clustered with many thoughts.

"Lan Zhan...you need to let me go," Lan Wangji had heard this but he wouldn't let go, no, he would not. His arms were becoming numb with the weight of Wei wuxian but he ignored it, no pain he felt at this current moment could overturn his fear of losing the man he loved most. The man that he had wedded in front of his ancestor. Footsteps could be heard not far behind him,  he cranked his neck to be greeted with black boots and a well designed purple robe. Jiang wanyin. Everything moved very quickly, one moment he was looking at the purple robed man with eyes that only showed how much he was pleading for his mercy and the next, a sword had struck the rock he was leaning on. 5 words ringing in his head.

"Wei wuxian! Go to hell!"

Wei wuxian threw Lan Wangji off of his hand a small smile of relief yet sorrow plastered his face . Everything slowed down, the world was spinning as Lan wangji had watched his soulmate fall to his demise, the inevitable feeling of helplessness and uselessness taking over his mind, fresh warm tears creating newly formed stains on his pale, but flushed cheeks.

"WEI YING!"

Gone. Wei ying was gone. Wangji couldn't think, he couldn't feel, he just stood there in complete and utter grief. A Whirpool of emotions flooded his mind, self-blame, anger, regret.  Had this been his fault? Could he have stopped this from happening? He knew he could, he recalled many moments in which he could have stopped Wei ying from jumping off of that cliff that he was still standing on, constantly staring at the spot Wei ying had once been hanging from. He didn't know how long he had been standing there, he didn't know what had passed and what hadn't, he had forgotten about the battle that had been going in behind him. Nothing was relevant to him anymore. He had failed Wei ying in more ways than one and that's something he would never forgive himself for.

Everything went black. Had he passed out? Did he somehow fall off of the cliff himself? He didn't know, he didn't care. What was there to care about if Wei ying was dead, what was there to live for.

~~~~

When he had awoken he found himself kneeling Infront of some elders of the Lan sect. Shufu and Lan xichen nowhere to be seen.

"You injured 33 elders in the bloodbath of nightless city, and you will be punished for that." One of the elders spoke.

"33 strikes for the 33 elders, and you will endure it," another had finished for the first.

"Who is right, and who is wrong? What is black and what is white?" Is all he said in response, he wasn't going to apologize, he wasn't going to repent. He had done nothing wrong and although he didn't do it to his fullest he kept a part of the promise he had made with Wei ying underneath those lanterns. He stood with justice and despite the fact that he had regrets, he would never regret defending his confidant that day. He did nothing wrong and if anyone should be asking for forgiveness, it should be all the clans. They should've asked Wei wuxian for their forgiveness.

The elders retaliated with the beginning of his punishment. 1 whip. 2 whips. 5 whips. He wouldn't apologize, he wasn't going to give the cultivation world that satisfaction, not as long as he lived. 8 whips. 15 whips. The emptiness within him overpowered the sting of the whip on his back. The void within him that yearned for his loved one gnashed at his soul violently. 20 whips. 26 whips. He saw the melancholic and pitiful looks of his fellow disciples, but he ignored them. Who were they to feel pity now instead of then, when Wei ying was still alive? Even though he had lost the person he held dearest to him, they only feel sorry for the whipping he was recieving. 30 whips. 33 whips. He collapsed unable to move, is was improper yes and his uncle would probably frown upon seeing this but he overlooked that, his back ached but his chest was tighter. The more he thought about Wei ying, was the more he had felt embarrassed of himself for not doing more to help the person he loves. Lan xichen walked in a fast pace towards Wangji, he kneeled down and looked at his younger brother with a heavy amount of pity. Although the love story between Wei wuxian and Lan zhan had been basically unknown and people just thought of them as very close friends, xichen knew, he knew even before the two boys knew that they liked each other and so he knew the amount of pain Wangji was going through at that moment. He helped Wangji stand to a certain extent, basically dragging him, gently,  back to the jingshi and instructing healers to come and help patch up and take care of the injured man's wounds. Wangji slipping in and out of consciousness In his brothers hold. Everything around him moving in a blur as tears, once again, had started to prick the corner of his eyes. Grief. Pure grief had taken over the young man and he knew that it was the type of grief that would never go away. The grief he showed now was worse than the one he showed when he lost his mother, a fresh scar in his heart made by the death of Wei wuxian, resided close to the one made by the death of his mother. And for the last time Wangji succumbed to his injuries and passed out.

Authors note:

Honestly this chapter didn't come out the way I wanted it to and I had alot of ideas that I couldn't use. But I really hope it was enjoyable to a certain extent