A Photographer's Viewpoint

The True Opposite Of Love

After sending a text to Allistor to keep me updated, I got rid of my shoes and coat. I placed the bag as is inside my fridge and then headed to bed. Dobbie soon joined me under the covers and slept with me until dawn.

While I was binge-watching some cliché Christmas movies, I got a text from Casper.

Casper

Did you go see her yet?

I stare at the message and once again, I feel like I'm being mocked.

Getting no reply for a good two minutes, Casper sends another message.

Casper

Look, I'm not trying to force you into anything but I don't want bad blood between the two of you. Even if the conversation leads to the two of you no longer being on speaking terms, at least you guys would reach some type of agreement.

Bad blood she says.

I read the message over and over and over again, the movie I was watching long forgotten.

The last time Casper and I 'spoke' was exactly three weeks ago. I tried forgetting about the conversation and hoping she wouldn't bring it up but that was all just false hope. Who was I trying to fool? Casper was Luciel's best friend for crying out loud, of course, she wouldn't forget a conversation like that.

I tossed my phone aside and went back to concentrating on the movie.

If I do go to Luciel, what would she say?

What would her reaction be?

Would she give me a chance to speak or would she chase me away before I even get to say a word?

Whatever it is I'm sure it's best if it remains unknown. And in any case, I don't think Luciel will be pleased to see my face during the holiday season. For all I know I might end up ruining the rest of her holiday by showing up with an apology I'm sure she doesn't need.

But how can I be so sure?

During the time Luciel and I spent together, I could confidently say that she was close to an open book but that doesn't mean she wore her heart on her sleeve. Even for a short while of knowing her, it wasn't hard trying to figure out what was going through her mind. It's either that or she was just more expressive around me.

I watched as the two main characters kissed under the mistletoe, the credits soon coming on display.

There was a nagging feeling at the back of my mind, which I ignored –or at least tried to ignore– telling me to get up and talk to Luciel.

For a moment, I eyed my phone that was laying face down.

Since when have I been so scared?

Since when have I been so afraid to face my problems?

Since when have I started fearing the words of others –the judgement of others?

"Tsk."

Screw it.

What Casper said made sense, so much sense that I sprung out under the heat of my blanket and rushed out the door with only my keys and phone in hand. I didn't bother grabbing my coat and only ended up putting on the heater in the car to warm myself up.

What was I going to tell Luciel?

I had absolutely no clue.

All I knew was I was ready to accept whatever she threw at me.

Rather than moping around and overworking myself to the bone and using it as a distraction, I'd rather have a definite answer so I could move on with my life.