session 222 || aaliyah [ON HOLD]

9

"Damn, you got that nigga sprung."

Kidada and Beyoncé burst into laughter, their guffaws echoing throughout the store, causing me to glare at them. I told them about O'Ryan's confession from the previous night, and they'd been teasing me about it ever since we walked into the boutique.

"It's not that funny."

Beyoncé and Kidada exchanged amused glances before doubling over, trying to suppress their fits of giggles.

"It's kinda is though," Beyoncé said, catching her breath. "The two of y'all, always playin' house. Y'alls lil' situationship was bound to turn into something bigger."

"But like, how do you feel about him?" asked Kidada. "Do you love him?"

My cheeks grew hot and I quickly ducked my head. I was happy with O'Ryan, of course. He was sweet and affectionate, and had a way of making me feel safe and loved in a way I hadn't been in a long time. I loved being with him, and it made me happy to have found someone who saw me as a woman, not just a member of the public.

But despite what my friends said, I wasn't sure I was ready to fully commit to a relationship just yet. The thought of being with O'Ryan - fully, completely...it made me nervous. What if it didn't work out? What if we started out great and then we ended up growing apart? A part of me worried that our age difference might become an issue down the road. He was in his early 20s, and I was nearing 30. We were in different places in life, and I wondered if that would eventually drive a wedge between us.

It was all too much to deal with, so instead I gave my friends a shrug, attempting to brush off their comments. "I don't know. I'm still tryin' to figure that out," I muttered.

"I understand. Don't get me wrong, he seems like a great guy," Beyoncé said. "But men his age...they don't always have the maturity for a serious relationship. And if he's already saying 'I love you' after just two months...chile that's still the honeymoon phase when you're caught up in the rush of new romance."

Kidada nodded, taking a sip of her latte. "I'm with her on this one. I'm not sayin' y'all shouldn't be together. Y'all clearly have a great connection. I'm just saying he might be jumping into things too quickly. He's still in that stage where he's still exploring life, and trying to figure out who he wants to be and that could mean making impulsive decisions. Y'all need to make sure y'all are on the same page before y'all commit."

Beyoncé arched an eyebrow, her voice suddenly low. "And I don't really think y'all are."

I blinked. "Huh? What are you talking about?"

Beyoncé shrugged. "Well...Static."

Kidada nodded, giving me a sympathetic look. "We can tell you're still hung up on him and-"

"Look," I interrupted, shaking my head. "It's just...there are too many feelings involved, you know?" I sighed. "When I'm with O'Ryan, I feel so loved and cared for and I want to be with him, but then when I see Static with Avonti, it feels like...I dunno. Like a knife twists in my gut. And I just don't know how to make sense of it."