Choose You, Lose You (Tangi #0.5)

Prologue

Ilang buwan na ang nakalipas simula noong bumisita ako sa bahay nila Waylen. Simula kasi noong nagpasukan, hindi ako masiyadong nakikipag-usap sa kanila— let's just say specifically, sa kaniya.

When I found myself ready to see him again, I saw myself standing in front of their house. I pressed the doorbell on their wall as I wait for someone to open it for me.

Waylen has no idea that I'd visit their home today. It was my plan, to begin with, to leave him clueless about my coming. I want to know if ever he'll be surprised. Hindi ko rin alam kung napansin niya na hindi ako masyadong nakikipagcommunicate sa kaniya these past few months. I bet not.

It was never easy to purposely do it— to avoid him, to ignore him, and to refrain from thinking about him. At least, for me. I have been thinking a lot about how we may end up these past few months if ever I tell him the truth. That long-hidden truth.

Minutes after waiting, someone finally came out. That hazel eyes were staring at me intently. Before, I never thought that someone can bring the vulnerable side of me. In our long gazes with one another, I was the one who gave up first. It was intense and sensational. Hindi ko kayang malunod sa mga mata niyang minsan nahihiwagaan na rin ako kung ano ang ibig sabihin.

How should I feel?

I asked myself this question several times before I went here. Hindi ko alam kung anong dapat kong maramdaman. Sa buwang hindi ko siya nakita, akala ko may magbabago baka sakali. Ganon pa rin pala. Pilit kong inililihis ang utak ko sa ibang bagay tuwing pumapasok siya sa isip ko.

Nakakapagod pala.

Nakahawak siya sa pinto habang kinukusot ang mata. There was it again, the unusual beating of my heart. These foreign feelings that I couldn't explain whenever he was near. Gusto ko man siyang yakapin ngunit pinigilan ko ang sarili ko. Agad nanlaki ang mata niya at napaayos nang makita ako.

"Lusiana!" masigla niyang bati.

Lumagpas ang tingin niya sa akin. Sinundan ko kung saan dumako ang mata niya. "I'm alone."

His forehead creased. "Napadalaw ka?"

"I visited b-because..." Bakit nga ba ako nagpunta? "I miss Tita Lena and—"

Dahil gusto kitang makita. Dahil gusto kong makumpirma kung may nagbago ba noong hindi ako nagparamdam. Kung kahit kakaunti nagbago ang pagtingin ko sa'yo.

"Miss mo na ako?" he cut me off. I looked away to compose myself together.

Oo.

Napakunot ang noo ko at nagtaas ng kilay. "Wake up, Warren Yleno! Miss ko na mama mo at ang luto niya." At ang anak niya.

"Napakasama mo ha!" reklamo niya. Humalukipkip siya at napabuntong hininga. Napatitig siya sa akin. "It's been a while, Lucy."

Nakatingin lang din ako sa kaniya. "Yeah, long time no see."

Napangiti ako nang mapait. Ano bang inaasahan ko? Masama ba kung umasa akong siya mismong ang yayakap sa akin? Sana man lang ay may nagbago sa paraan ng pag ngiti niya.

Pero wala eh.

Same smiles, same glances, and same mood, just like before. Nothing has changed at all. What did you expect, Lucy? That he'd miss you? That he yearned for you like you do?

I want to tell myself every time that what I am having is an unrequited feeling. After long years of liking him, I never thought that he would affect me this much. That I would cry for him. He was the first ever guy I cried for, not even my father.