Like My Heart Craves A Beat

Episode 2 - Caring and Nurturing

"Is this a normal week for the two of you? Working in different cities and then meeting up when you can? Do you message or talk on the phone?"

The questions are expected and are ones that Gong Jun has answered in almost every single interview in the past two years. Even though they are easy in general, since there is no relationship, the questions themselves are hard every time because he is who he is—honest. Which means that he says that he misses Zhang Zhe Han because he does. And then he says that they talk almost every day, and go on dates when they can, because they do.

This time when the questions come, it feels a bit different, somehow a bit more real. This time, there is a small little seed of hope moving around in his chest poking, prodding and nudging at his heart. No matter how much he ignores it, it keeps growing and doing things. Like reminding him over and over of Zhang Zhe Han telling him that it is all real. And then reminding him again when Zhang Zhe Han had said that his favourite thing was to spend time with Gong Jun. Of how vulnerable and shy Zhang Zhe Han had looked when he had drawn his dream family, those dark eyes looking up at him with something akin to hope. And how soft and warm Zhang Zhe Han's hand had felt on his own as they walked home together afterwards.

"Gong Jun?"

He blinks a few times and then he's back in the large conference space. It's Tuesday and he will be heading back to Hangzhou tomorrow afternoon, though based on Zhang Zhe Han's last message, his recording is going well and he will be staying for the week in Beijing, heading straight to the recording of Episode Two when he arrives on Friday.

Lu Hui clears her throat somewhere behind him and he laughs, "Oh, sorry. I was distracted."

The production assistant, Wang Ling, who has been tailing him since that very first day that Racing down the aisle had started, smiles knowingly. Like he knows what and who Gong Jun is daydreaming of, like he can read his mind. And yes, maybe he is actually right this time around. Because he is daydreaming about Zhang Zhe Han.

Wang Ling tilts his head and smiles wider, "Do you miss him when you don't see him?"

Yes? But Gong Jun misses Zhang Zhe Han even when he is right next to him—because distance isn't always a physical thing. Sometimes distance isn't measured in li [1]. Sometimes distance isn't between two bodies, but between two souls. He has been missing Zhang Zhe Han ever since the end of the Shan He Ling production.

He ignores the last question and hopes that the cameras haven't picked up his internal longing, instead responding to the first ones, "This is just a standard week for us. Some weeks we spend more time together, for example when we are shooting for a magazine, or commercials, or just strategizing and planning for upcoming endorsements. But we also have weeks where we don't see each other at all. It was like that through most of November to January when Hanhan was filming. And it will be the same starting in April when the production of Twice is once too many starts."

"Is it hard? Being away from each other? If you end up winning, you will have barely gotten back from your honeymoon by the time you leave for the movie production?"

Honeymoon? That hope expands in his chest and mercilessly throws images from the first week's challenge into his head. Of open roads, Mediterranean beaches, Alps and hotel rooms. Of Zhang Zhe Han on a white beach with his sparkling eyes and dazzling smile, surrounded by the warm orange tinge of a sunset and just out of his reach. Of Zhang Zhe Han looking magnificent, vibrant and carefree, and Gong Jun aches.

He knows that he looks wistful, but the viewers will just think that he is missing Zhang Zhe Han or that he is thinking about having to spend all that time apart after a wedding. They won't know that it is a different parting that is slicing through his inside as he looks up and away from the camera and thinks before responding, "I guess I haven't thought about that yet. As you have seen, we didn't know that we would be on the show. Our schedules for this year have already been planned. Let's see how far we make it and then take it from there."