Unlucky

8. secret habits

Another week of classes pass by, I've become better at handling my coursework. It would be a red flag if by late September I wasn't already used to the speed of content and projects. I blink, and suddenly I have like ten new assignments. I'm better at managing those academic surprises.

But, I'm not better at managing other types of surprises. I look over at the person in the row in front of me, two seats over, and feel weird for even thinking about her presence. She had transferred into the class a day after Uma had confessed her concerns about Lucia and had moved on.

I come to this class everyday, already having to cope with Professor T constantly calling on me like an easy sport, and then I have to handle the guilt about not being honest with Uma. Am I supposed to tell her I've been seeing Lucia everyday? Am I supposed to include the fact that we've started talking. . . kind of?

There's only be some "hi"'s sprinkled in some days, but not much more than those basic greetings. I don't think that I have to tell Uma. Lucia's just like a magnet, she talks to everyone and manages to land on everyone's good sides. It's not my fault we've exchanged a few words with each other.

Besides, Uma's already moved on. She said so last week, and they've even let me scroll around on a new shiny dating app in search of new perfect people. It would be weird to bring it up.

I've already gotten in trouble for doing that before.

Back in February, Uma had gone out with an amazing girl, Mei, but broke up with her after two weeks because she was "too much drama." I tried to convince Uma to change her mind, Mei was just too nice and seemed like an amazing person. Uma had refused, and even avoided me for a few days since, in her words, "I wasn't being a good friend."

I've learned my lesson, I try not to go against Uma's choices and declarations. Acting like everything they do is right is so much easier.

It's not worth bringing up Lucia, especially in this case, where Uma hadn't been the one to choose to end whatever they had going on. It would also be too much effort to even say anything.

As long as Lucia and I don't talk about anything at all, we'll be fine. I won't feel any guilt or like I'm keeping a secret from Uma. It's also like I'm protecting myself, I won't have to hear Uma insult another innocent person.

I mean, she might have had a valid reason to not call Uma back. I love my best friend with my whole heart, but we all have our flaws. Uma tends to be. . . Very honest. She doesn't have much of a filter, which is something she's always very proud about it.

Not everyone can handle the very blunt truths that Uma thinks they're always exposing. It's why I choose to retreat at times rather than be vocal about some of my own opinions. I'm also kind of a pushover, so that's another thing that factors into that equation.

"Irene, I just asked you a question," I hear a deep voice say.

Not again.

I look up from my hands on my lap, and am met by a very annoyed stare from Professor T. He almost seems pleased that he's caught me in another trap.

I squeak out, "Could you repeat the question?"

Everyone's eyes are on me, even Lucia's. She seems like she's pitying me, she's far too clever to make such an error.

"Irene, stay after the lecture," is all he says before asking another student to answer his question. The guy, Oliver I think is his name, answers loudly and proudly without a single stutter. T, overjoyed with the clear response, moves on to the next complicated slide. I want to collapse, but I'll have to stay present for now.