The Devil's Redemption | ✓

|90| The world falling apart

"Mia, if I ask you something. Can you promise me not to freak out? It's just a question, but a question coming from a doctor, not your dad."

"What are you talking about?"

"Had you had any periods since you started taking the pill?" I hear him getting inside the room and going to open the blinds.

I hide under the covers a little, the light feeling too harsh on my eyes.

"Yeah really light ones at the beginning, the OB told me that could happen. Then they just stopped." I'm still too sleepy to understand why this is any relevant.

"When was the last time you had it, Mia?" But that question finally makes me understand where he is going with this.

"Dad, don't." I can't do this, not right now.

"The vomiting, not eating, the constant tiredness. Your mother was exactly the same when she was pregnant with you, honey." He says it anyway and it feels like a bucket of cold water.

"No, there's no way. I- I can't be pregnant. I was taking the pill, I never missed it, not once and before that we used protection, so I can't be pregnant. I just can't." I keep on denying it even though everything suddenly sense.

All the symptoms I have been having, the morning sickness, the drastic mood changes, feeling hot and cold at the same time, sleeping this much. They all match, every single one, they match to perfection. And I think deep down I knew but I was too scared to acknowledge it.

"The pill is not 100% effective Mia, you know that. It's not usual that this happens but it can definitely happen." He sits down at the feet of my bed, his hand resting on my lower leg. "I know this isn't easy and that this is definitely not the best moment but you should go to get tested. Find out if you are actually pregnant and go through the necessary checkups." He doesn't stop caressing my leg.

"I can't be pregnant, not now. I can't." It is as if my world were falling apart, one thing after another. It never fucking stops.

"Your mother had a pretty bad pregnancy, I don't know if I ever told you about that but she did, and if you are pregnant and that's happening to you then you have to get checked out, Mia. Not just because of the baby's health but because of yours."

"There's no baby, there can't be a baby!" I push the sheets back in a quick motion and get out of bed. Standing now a few feet away from my dad who is still sitting down, looking at me as if I were a baby deer whose mom just got shot down.

"Honey, please."

"No! This can't be happening right now, I can't have a baby. I just can't. Not now." I keep walking backward until the wall stops me. My hands flat against it as I try to get my breathing back to normal.

"Mia, listen to me. Something is wrong with you, and whatever it is, you need it to get checked out. You can't keep going like this. It's been a tough week honey, and I know you are heartbroken, I get it, I understand how awful you must be feeling right now and I have given you space but this time I won't back down. Just come with me to the clinic, let me do a blood test to make sure there's nothing wrong and then we will be back. Just a few hours, please honey, do it for me." He has also stood from the bed but he hasn't walked in my direction, he is keeping his distance.

I'm a nurse, I know I need a blood test, I know something isn't right with me but I'm too scared to find out what it is, that's why I have been acting as if nothing were happening. I used the pills and the hormones as an excuse, I convinced myself that that was it, I hide from my problems and hoped they would just disappear. I was so focused on Carlos that I stopped looking out for myself.