DON'T BLAME ME | scream

002. we're in a franchise!

"But that is only one possibility. Heroes now in college: Check. Suspicious new characters brought in to round out the suspect list and/or body count: check, check and check." Mindy explained.

"I don't like this." Ethan commented.

"But it can't just be about Stab 2." Mindy told them.

"Why not?"

"It would make sense if this was just a sequel. But we're not in a sequel because nobody just makes sequels anymore." Mindy looked at their blank stares. "We're in a franchise! And there are certain rules to a continuing franchise."

"I had a feeling." Sam tried to supress a smile.

"Rule one: Everything is bigger than last time. Bigger budget, bigger cast, bigger body count. Longer chases, shoot-outs, beheadings. You got to top what came before to keep people coming back."

"Beheadings?" Chad asked.

"Beheadings." Mindy repeated. "Rule two: Whatever happened last time, expect the opposite. Franchises only survive by subverting expectations. If they killers last time were whiny snowflake film nerds with Letterboxd accounts instead of personalities, you can bet the opposite will be true here. And rule three: No one is safe. Legacy characters? Cannon fodder at this point. Usually brought back only to be killed off in some cheap bid for nostalgia. It's not looking good for Gale and Kirby."

"That is still my mother, Minds." Madelyn told her with wide eyes.

"Sorry. But, oh, that's not even the worst part!" Mindy stated.

"This is the part where she tells us the worst part." Chad told them, not looking up from his work he had started, so used to her rambles.

"The worst part is franchises are just continuing episodic instalments designed to boost an IP. Which means main characters are completely expendable now, too. Laurie Strode, Nancy Thompson, Ellen Ripley, Sally Hardesty, Jigsaw, Tony Stark, James Bond— I mean, even Luke Skywalker—all died so their franchises could live on. That means it's not just the friend group. Any of us could go at any times, especially, Sam, Tara and Maddie."

"Wait, any of us?" Ethan asked.

"Yeah."

"Am I in the friend group?" Ethan wondered.

"Yeah."

"Am I like one of the targets?"

"Mm-hmm."

"Am I gonna die a virgin?" Ethan asked.

"Not if you actually made a move on that Anisa girl in your econ." Madelyn told him. The boy turned to her, making a sarcastic face at her statement.

"That was a weird overshare." Mindy stated. "But it brings us to our current suspects: Ethan. The shy, dorky guy who no one suspects because he's so shy and dorky."

"Woah—wait—why am I on the suspect list?" Ethan questioned. "Because I'm randomly, Chad and Nick's roommate?"

"Roommate lotteries can be juked. You could've fixed it to get next to us." Mindy explained.

"Yeah I mean, to get in a room with Chad all I had to do was ring them and tell them I wanted to be in a room with him." Nick explained.

"Quinn. The slutty roommate. A horror movie classic." Mindy moved to stand in front of the girl.

"'Sex positive' but... thank you?" Quinn corrected the girl.

"Mm-hmm. Um, how did you come to live with Sam and Tara?" Mindy asked.

"I answered their ad online." Quinn replied.

"Okay, say no more." Mindy interrupted. "You've already implicated yourself enough."