Elements' Eyes (Book 1: Going-Through)

A Surprise 2.1

Keernah went down a whole flight of stairs in silence.

"If he didn't change completely after we last met," she answered then, "I wouldn't have to persuade him, 'cause he'd go with me of his own accord. It would be him to persuade me that I wouldn't survive without a friend there. Besides, he's about my age, so he'd be strong and energetic while my parents and teacher aren't that young already. They know a lot about things and they're skillful at handling them, but they're just physically past their prime – at least, Mom said so herself. And they may need just a little more physical strength then they have now to live in the mountains. I realize it too well to risk their lives. Even if they wanted to keep me company, I'd try my very best to make them change their minds."

"So, you do believe that you would have been together with the boy if you had not been separated as children?"

Keernah was already out in the yard when she answered. The wind whistled frantically and cobwebbed everything with snow, like an insane winter spider. Keernah had to shout to make herself heard.

"I believe that we would be together in another version of our world, where people didn't kill each other for nothing and human connections were so important that there were many means to save or renew them. I'm not sure if we were lovers or just friends; I'm not even sure we'd be forever as close as in our childhood. But we would not part anyway."

"The world you describe exists in your heart; you have to say farewell to your friend there. You need not to forget about him, just say farewell, accept that you cannot ever be together. If you refuse to do so, longing for him in the mountains will kill you."

"Will missing someone else kill me too?"

"No. You said yourself you do not want them to follow you. You justified it by their age, but if they were young, you would find another excuse why they should not go with you. This is the difference between the ones you love and those you wanted to love but lost. The love that was not realized, is perilous, and it reveals itself fully in the mountains."

"It wasn't a justification," Keernah protested, "It's really dangerous in the mountains, and I do know it, and I do care for those who don't understand it as well as I do. If the boy wasn't my peer but a man twenty or thirty years older than me, I wouldn't be sure at all whether he should accompany me."

"You would not have to think for long before you become sure; and you would be ready to do anything to help him survive there. You would even feed him with your own flesh if needed; everything you said about the boy betrays it. Actually, you can always find an excuse if you want. But you should get out of the habit if you want to live in the mountains. Only your true feelings are important there, and they determine whether you survive or not. As a child, you happened to start developing a special bond with someone special. It did not become what it might be, but leaving it unrealized was not your choice, so you still dream about it; and it does not let the mountains enter your future, if you will. Unlike other places, they will not tolerate your dream even though you do not hope for it to come true. You can live in the mountains only when you want to be with those who live there with you."

"But you've been visiting me for years, and I'm not in the mountains," Keernah quite unexpectedly found something to say to that. "You don't mind me settling near you either. Didn't it all become perilous for you?"

"It does not have anything to do with longing. It is just interest which does not mean that I cannot find anything like this in the mountains. I know the difference well."

"Do you?" Keernah asked curiously before biting her tongue – for Ayeso didn't really like to talk about her personal life. But Keernah's father eventually caught up with them and distracted the ceald who didn't answer.