Zephyr Strings

Kabanata 6

"Adi! No... n—no! Adi, please 'wag! Mahal kita... sorry. Sorry na, Adi! Gumising ka, Adi!" I started screaming.

I didn't mind the commotion and footfalls behind me. I screamed her name while shaking her in the hopes that it would bring her back to me! Nanginginig ang buo kong katawan at halos mahirapan na sa paghinga.

Hindi p'wede. Fadia must live. She can't die. How about me? She can't leave me alone! She promised me she'd stay with me forever!

"Fadia! Wake up! Please!" I screamed, my voice almost strained.

Lalo akong nakaramdam ng matinding habag at takot nang marinig ko ang sigaw at iyakan ng magulang niya sa aking likuran. Sinundan iyon ng mga mabibilis na yapak. I screamed when some men pulled me from her.

"Let me go!" Sigaw ko at pilit na kumawala ngunit ang lakas nila.

"Miss, you shouldn't be here. Rai, please take her out with the family members."

"Fadia! No! M—My daughter!" her mom wailed.

Natigilan ako. Our last conversation rushed through my mind as the men pulled me out of the scene. Para akong tinarakan ng punyal at sa isang iglap, hindi ko na magawa pang ibuka ang bibig ko.

"I regret the day I met you. I wish I didn't meet you! No... I wish you were dead!" my words that night echoed inside my head, reminding me that all along, it was my fault that Fadia was gone.

Aside from pain, grief, and loss, guilt resided in me. I locked myself in my apartment, refusing everyone. Bawat miyembro ng banda ay sinubukan akong kausapin. But all I did was push them away.

It was my fault. I am guilty. I killed Adi. I made her hang herself. Sinapo ko ang aking bibig, halos masuka sa naiisip. I feel like losing my mind.

Nasabi ko lang ang lahat nang iyon dahil galit ako at pakiramdam ko ay pinagtaksilan niya ako! But even so... that was a bad thing for me to say.

Fadia is gone. Because of me, my girlfriend—my best friend and the person who pulled me out of despair—killed herself.

Who am I to mourn? Do I have the right to cry and grieve for her when I am the reason she killed herself? Ang kapal naman ng mukha ko?

Because of guilt, I didn't even bother to attend her burial or visit her after. I can't forgive her. Moreover, I can't forgive myself.

Wala na akong pakialam kung ano mang mangyayari sa akin. I couldn't even eat or at least bathe. Isang umaga ay nagising na lang ako dahil sa isang delivery boy.

Fadia's albums, guitar, and notes were delivered to me. Her parents gave them all to me. Because Fadia said that everything that belongs to her also belongs to me.

I couldn't accept any of it. But what am I going to do? Adi left them to me. And before I even realized it, her remains became my life and everything.

Sa loob ng photo album, doon nakaipit ang isang piraso ng papel. It was a letter from her. Akala ko tapos na ako, akala ko wala nang mas ilalala pa, ngunit nagkamali ako. Ang sira ko nang mundo ay tuluyan nang naging pulbos dahil sa nabasa ko.

She was drugged and raped that night. Someone set her up. Someone wanted to screw her up.

After reading everything, all I wanted was to be struck by lightning and die instantly. So that I wouldn't be able to feel this pain. I couldn't even cry properly. I have no right. It was my fault. My fault. 

Titig na titig ako sa gitara. I stroked the new strings. It's been a while since someone played this guitar. I am thankful to Casimir for doing me a favor.