Zephyr Strings

Kabanata 6

Strangely, I feel fine even though the strings were already gone and are now replaced with something brand new. Parang noong nakaraan lang ay para akong mamamatay maisip ko pa lang na palitan iyon.

Those are the strings Fadia used before leaving me for good. She used those strings to play those chords, which I always hummed with her. The chords that I always hear from her when she's alone inside the studio. The chords she composed before that tragedy.

Every little thing she did was very important to me. Una pa lang, sinabi na niya sa aking may sinusulat siyang kanta. And she wanted to finish it so she could play it in front of me.

Lingid sa kaalaman niya, lagi akong nasa likuran ng pintuan, nakikinig sa kaniya. I am not sure if she has already written the lyrics. But I think she has already completed the chords. Kaya naman halos saulo ko na ang simula nito at madalas ihuni.

I was looking forward to everything. But everything crashed just because of that misunderstanding. If I only stayed for a bit, swallowed my pride, and listened to her; if I only shut my mouth and trusted her enough.

Everything went downhill because of me. I can't forgive myself. I will never forgive myself for pushing her over the cliff. And I will never forgive her for leaving me just because I said so.

That night, I remember crying my heart out. I was screaming, breaking the furniture around me, and even destroying the guitar we bought together. Masiyado akong nagpakain sa galit at sakit. I felt betrayed, and all I did was curse her.

I chastised her. I branded her as a cheater. Who can blame me? I saw her kissing a man. She looked even more pleased. Instead of watching that gut-wrenching scene, I turned my back on them and let her go with that man in a hotel room.

But when the truth revealed itself, I was dumbfounded. Hindi ako makapagsalita. Gusto kong sabihin na naroon ako. Na mayroon akong magagawa. Pero hindi ko siya pinagkatiwalaan. Kaya imbis na hatakin siya, iligtas siya mula sa lalaking iyon, tinalikuran ko siya.

Of all the people who can understand that situation. Kung mayroon mang makakaintindi sa kaniya at sa sitwasyon, ako iyon! Pero wala akong ginawa!

Awang ang mga labi, para akong tinuklaw ng ahas habang nakatingala sa taong nakabitay sa kisame. Pikit ang mga mata, maputla, at wala nang buhay. I want to reach out for her hands. But I couldn't move.

Labis ang panginginig ng aking mga kamay habang tulala kay Fadia na wala nang buhay. Her neck was almost scarlet. I could even feel how painful the rope around her neck was. I wanted to scream. But I couldn't.

"Why?" malamig kong tanong, titig na titig sa bangkay niya.

I can't bring myself to cry. All I can feel is horror. Hindi ako naniniwala sa nakikita ko. This must be a nightmare, right? This is not real. But then, why do I feel like dying inside?

Bumagsak ang aking mga mata sa mga kamay niyang mukhang naninigas na. Nakasara ang kanan niyang kamay at namataan ko sa loob nito ang isang ballpen.

I spotted the guitar and her notes together on the bed. Na para bang iyon ang huling ginamit niya bago kitilin ang sariling buhay.

"Fadia..." I called shakily as I pulled up my courage to walk towards her.

Inabot ko ang dulo ng nanlalamig niyang mga paa. My eyes widened. She's not warm anymore. Maagap kong niyakap ang kaniyang mga hita at tiningala siya sa nanlalaking mga mata.

"F—Fadia! Wake up! Adi!" I called desperately.

I shook her, but she didn't respond! Sobs escaped my mouth, but tears didn't even graze my eyes. I feel like dying while shaking her hard, trying to wake her up!