Zephyr Strings

Kabanata 5

"W—What? Did I say the latter?" Napakurap-kurap ako.

He pursed his lips. My lips parted when he sighed and clicked his neck, like he was tired of listening to me. Malamig niya akong tinitigan nang ilang sandali. I looked away. I suddenly felt conscious.

"You know, when a person is drunk, they have two sides to the story," aniya sa malumanay na boses.

"What do you mean?" I looked back at him.

"Those are their truths and their real feelings."

What? Kumalabog ang aking puso at mabilis na umiling.

"No! Hindi talaga totoo iyon! Lasing lang ako—"

"You wouldn't say that without seeing something, right? Everything has its own origin. Someone wouldn't say something without basis, especially when they're drunk," he cut me off frigidly.

Nanlamig ako habang nakatitig sa kaniya. Seryoso ang kaniyang mukha ngunit hindi ko mabasa kung ano ba talaga ang nararamdaman niya. His eyes are cold and enigmatic. He's hiding his feelings.

Hindi ko alam kung bothered ba siya o ano. But I can tell from the way he's looking at me right now that he has a broad perspective that encompasses reality and logic.

I flinched a bit when he tilted his head. Kung hindi ako nagkakamali, nakitaan ko ng ngisi ang kaniyang mga labi ngunit agad iyong pinalitan ng simangot.

What is this uncomfortable feeling?

"That's why your words right now can't retract those claims. Before this day appeared, I had already contemplated everything. Siguro nga hindi totoo ang sinabi mo... sa ngayon. Pero paano mo nasabi sa akin iyon kung wala kang nakita?" aniya at muling nagpakita ang multo ng ngiti sa kaniyang mga labi.

What the hell?

"H—Hey... look, I'm sorry, okay? I don't know why you're talking like that. Wala nga akong nakita!" medyo na-f-frustrate na ako.

"You're a bad liar, you know?" Biglang kumawala ang ngisi niya, dahilan ng pagpapakita ng mapuputi niyang ngipin.

My eyes widened.

No. I'm a good liar. No one ever noticed that I was lying. And... is he grinning right now?

He pursed his lips again, wiping his grin just now. "If what you said was true, I couldn't blame her. I was never a good boyfriend, anyway." Aniya at walang kurap akong nilagpasan.

What does he mean? He was never a good boyfriend. He's aware, but he's not doing anything about it. And if Sahri is indeed cheating on him, why does it feel like he will accept it?

"If you were never a good boyfriend, then why don't you try to be a good one?" Baling ko sa kaniya bago pa siya makapasok.

Natigilan siya at seryoso akong nilingon. Halos lagutan ako ng hininga sa lamig ng kaniyang titig sa akin. It feels like I just crossed the line, and he wasn't happy about it.

"You think I don't try?" he hissed.

I blinked. Halos mapaatras ako nang bigla niya akong harapin at diretso akong tinitigan sa mga mata.

"Did you experience something like every time you try, problems would come at you and you would fail miserably? Every time you try to do good things, you end up fucking things up instead of receiving a good outcome?"

Hindi ako nakapagsalita. Those words are familiar to me. Very familiar. Not because I heard those once. But because that always happens to me.

Lalo akong nawalan ng salita nang maalala ang mga sinabi ni Cohen. Casimir is not only studying. He's working, too, and being pressured by his Dad.