invasato [h.s]

61

He looks to my eyes. "When we first met," he pauses and swallows like he's genuinely nervous. "when we first met, I thought you were different. I...thought you were bad."

I furrow my brows. "Bad?"

"There's things I've done, things I thought had to be done...because I thought you were an enemy."

I can feel my stomach twist itself into knots suddenly. I look at him, and I see the worry in his eyes as he waits for me to say something.

I've had this gut feeling that he's been hiding something from me for a while now, but I never would have thought it would have anything to do with him believing I'm one of these bad people out to get him.

"W-why would you think that...?" my voice becomes shrill and quiet, my throat feeling tight.

I thought he was bad too before, but I had good reason.

He shakes his head, like he's in deep remorse. "I'm sorry."

"Harry." I say, "What did you do..."

"I-I can't explain everything to you now...not like this." he tells me, reading my face. He then reaches for my hand and grabs it. "But, I swear, it's different now. I don't think of you that way anymore. You're so important to me."

"Will this...whatever you've done...will it come back around to hurt me?" I ask, feeling his hand grip mine like he's terrified to let it go.

He shakes his head. "No. No, I'm taking every measure I can to make sure it won't."

My mouth closes and I look down at our hands. I can feel my chin start to tremble. I don't know what to call this feeling. I almost feel...betrayed.

I knew Harry had secrets, I knew that.

I never knew they had anything to do with me.

"Baby, hey." he takes his other hand and tilts my chin up so I have to look at him again. "I'm telling you this because I want you to trust me."

"You can't even tell me the full story, Harry..." I retort, but not angrily. I feel more sad than anything.

He wants me to trust him, yet he's being so vague. I have no context to go off of.

Why would he ever think of me as an enemy?

"I'm going to protect you. Always. Okay? I know you now, and I feel so deeply connected to you...that's more powerful than anything I thought you were before." he says, rubbing his thumb along my knuckles, squeezing my hands.

Once.

Twice.

Three times.

My mouth falls into a frown that I can't stop. In my heart, I fully believe him. I believe him when he says he'll protect
me. I believe him when he says he feels connected to me. I believe that we share these unbelievable feelings for eachother. But for some reason, it hurts so much that he hated me so intensely at one point, to an extent that he feels insane guilt over what could have happened.

"Do you need me to go? Give you space?" he questions and I immediately squeeze his hand back like it was a reflex, so he stays.

I needed him to stay, but I wanted to cry.

"I think I was so enthralled by us being so happy together, that I forgot about how flawed we were in the beginning." I whisper.

"If I could go back and do it over, I would." he says with regret.

I can't look into his eyes right now and see any maliciousness. It's only what he said it was—guilt, and worry, and maybe even some sadness.

I'm upset over this, and I'm gonna let myself be upset...but I care about him. I care about our relationship.