What Are We?

Its Not Fair To Feel Like This

Finally, he's home after what seems like hours of walking and thinking. Before he came inside, he threw the cigarette on the brown and stepped on it so no one would see. As he entered the front door, he saw Edd on the couch sleeping, with ringo on his lap and Kelly resting her head on his thigh.

Tord couldn't help but chuckle. He remembered Edd was so against the idea of having a dog, but it seems like he really likes Kelly. He took off his jacket and left it on the coat hanger.

As Tord was about to head into his room, he spotted Tom in the kitchen, about to open a bottle of what seems to be alcohol. Tord saw an opportunity, and took it. He walked into the kitchen where Tom was, and Tom didn't seem to notice him until Tord spoke.

"Alcohol in 6 in the morning, hm?" Tord scoffed in a sarcastic manner as he let himself lean on the counter.

Tom jolted in surprise, quickly turning his head to Tord. His surprise turned into a relaxation, then a playful smirk.

"Cigarettes in 6 in the morning, hmm?" Tom mocked, sort of adding more sass into it. It caught Tord off guard, he thought he had gotten rid of the smoke smell.

"What, was it that obvious?" Tord snickered and shook his head as he watched Tom take a swig of the alcohol. "You really shouldn't be drinking this early, you'll get a headache later if you drink all of that right now."

"Blah blah blah, it's just some beer, what's the worst that could happen?" Tom shrugged off Tords statement as he took another swig of the alcohol.

"Remember last time you got drunk? You came back home with bruises. Ah, I still laugh when I think of that story." Tord sneered, dramatically putting his hand over his chest as if he had been laughing for hours on end.

"You better shut up before I make your arms a matching set." Tom scolded as he rolled his voids for eyes. He was about to take another drink, before he felt the cold glass bottle being snatched out of his hands.

"Hey, what—" Tom was cut off by the sudden action as he watched Tord take the bottle away. In attempt to steal it back, Tom started to try to snatch it back, but Tord lifted it in the air, out of Toms reach.

"Oh, that's not fucking fair," Tom gritted his teeth as he continued to try to snatch the bottle, occasionally grabbing onto Tords sleeve and trying to make himself jump, but with still no luck.

"No, it's completely fair. You're a midget," Tord snickered, putting his hand higher and higher in the air, getting further and further from Tom's reach.

After some moments of struggling, Tom gave up. He huffed and let his arms fall down to his side, and Tord put his arms down as well and stuffed the bottle back in the fridge. "Maybe, you can have this later in the afternoon."

Tom scoffed and crossed his arms, rolling his voids in the process. Whenever he doesn't get his way, he acts like an angsty teenager. "You're such a prude, you know that?"

"You act like you don't tell me that on a regular basis. It's like your daily routine." Tord huffed as he closed the refrigerator door shut, now leaning himself against the counter, on the other side of where Tom was.

After a small pause, Tom suddenly remembered something; the question he was gonna ask Tord. "Hey, in the shed before Matt barged in, you were gonna tell me something. What was it?"

Tord was taken back by this, and clearly froze. He could feel his stomach drop to his knees as Tom asked him that question, he thought Tom didn't notice.

He had to think of an excuse. Quickly, before things get too awkward. "Oh, uhm. I think I forgot, sorry." Tord mumbled as his hands squeezed the counter that he was leaning on.

Tom cocked an eyebrow. Something was off. The aura was off, Tord was off. He wasn't maintaining eye contact, instead looking all sorts of directions

"Are you lying to me?" When Tom asked this, he wasn't at all offended or felt anything bad, just overall confused why Tord wouldn't tell him the truth. It was a simple question, what more could it be?

"Wh— I'm not lying." Tord chuckled, crossing one leg over the other. He had this sort of grin on his face. Usually, people couldn't read him. A locked book stored away in an attic inside a box.

Tom didn't believe Tord. He began to feel frustrated, but he tried to keep his cool as long as possible. "You are lying. If you don't wanna answer my question, it would be better if you said that than lying."

"Thomas, I'm not lying to you." This time, Tord looked directly into Toms sockets. His stance was more profound and his voice was low, now loud and proud.

And even with that act, Tom knew that there was more to it. He flared his arms up in defeat, before letting them fall to his sides. "Alright, you don't gotta tell me."

Tord could feel his heart race. Why won't Tom just let it go? It wasn't a huge deal. Well, it was a huge deal to Tord. Because in the shed, before he was cut off, he was about to tell Tom his big secret.

Tord mentally sighed as he pushed himself off the counter. "Well, I'll be in my room if you need me."

"You know I won't need you." Tom scoffed.

"My offer still stands." Tord said playfully before heading into his room and closing the door behind him. He leaned against his door, and let out a deep sigh.

This shit was eating him alive.

How much longer can he go?

How much longer will he be able to handle this crush?

It doesn't feel like a crush anymore. Tord loved him.

He loved everything about him. His face, his unique eyes, his obsession with checkerboard patters, everything about him seemed like it was all perfect.

"God, what am I gonna do." Tord whispered to himself as he put his hands over his face. He could feel painful tears starting to form in his eye. Suck it up. Tord thought to himself.

Suck it up.

Tord rubbed his eyes, trying to wipe his tears away. He shouldn't be crying. He knows Tom will never feel how he feels. Why is he crying? He wished he never felt these feelings. He wished he had never fallen for Tom.