Chameleon: A Raven and Thorin Love Story

Two So Many Questions

Raven's POV
Depression reared its ugly head while I perched on the edge of the dining room chair the next morning, adoption paperwork in hand, silently reading. 'Ester and Elmador give Belladonna and Bungo Baggins full custody of adopting Raven as their daughter.' I rotated the paperwork so the adoption paperwork from my previous adoption parents sat on top. Again I read silently. 'The five Wizards of Middle-Earth here by give Raven to Ester and Elmador as their child.' Again, rotating the paperwork to find the piece of parchment Belladonna and Bungo signed to confirm with The Shire's Mayor I was officially their daughter. Ester and Elmador had signed their names below with Thrain's signature beside theirs.

Hot tears fell down my face. I also felt amused since my hair and eyes were brown, but completely different  in my dreams and nightmares. Which begged the question: how did I end up with brown hair and brown eyes? I wasn't an Elf. I wasn't a Dwarf - definitely not a Hobbit or of Man because I just had my one and twenty fifth birthday. So who was I?

'Who am I?' I silently questioned while walking to the stove to begin breakfast. I never knew my birth parents - only my adopted parents: Ester and Elmador, then my second adopted parents: Belladonna and Bungo. My life seemed to be one huge fracking mystery that always ended up giving me a huge headache whenever trying to remember memories before being adopted by Ester and Elmador. I definitely was not someone who possessed any power like Gandalf - unless of course my skin changing color to different moods counted - for example: my skin was currently green due to depression and sadness.

I was so lost in thought, I didn't hear my mother walk up beside me until I felt a gentle touch to my forearm. "Darling, are you alright?" Her soft silky voice was a balm to my aching heart. I shook my head. "I'm so frustrated, 'Amad." I let Bilbo, my brother, take over making breakfast when he offered so I could sit down at the table with my mother and talk to her. "I'm so angry and frustrated. I keep trying to remember my past before Ester and Elmador adopted me, but I end up getting a headache to where I end up having a nose bleed. I keep trying to figure out who I am but I come up with nothing. My memories are all a blur."

Belladonna's POV

I silently listened to my daughter vent her frustrations and feelings. She had a horrid nightmare again and it only seemed her nightmares were growing worse. 
She told me her previous parents were killed in a battle while fighting a pale creature who killed them and the Dwarf King along with his grandson, Frerin, and his sister's husband, Zayne.  The only two other people that survived were Thrain and Thorin. She told me Thrain went missing after telling Thorin to take the remaining survivors back to The Blue Mountains - intensely telling me the part of Thorin facing down The Pale Orc by himself and cut off his hand. I watched tears fall down her face while she told me about how the dead were beyond the count of grief - seeing her 'Amad and 'Adad laying motionless beside Frerin and Zayne. Then she finished the story by telling me Balin told Thorin her parents had a daughter by the name of Raven when the new Dwarf King asked if her parents had any children. Then she woke up crying after that.

"What about your dreams?" I asked my baby girl as an attempt to talk about something happier. "What dreams have you been having lately?" I watched a thoughtful look fill her brown eyes while she thought for a moment. A smile suddenly broke out across her face and her eyes lit up. I smiled while listening to her recount her dream.

"I remember one that has always been a favorite of mine - so much so, I even wrote it down in my 'Amad's journal after where she left off. The dream is actually a treasured memory of the day I first met Thorin when we were still children. 'Amad and 'Adad had returned to Ered Luin after adopting me. I was so nervous because I had never seen Dwarves before. But when we walked through that front gate, I saw King Thror, Prince Thrain and his son, Thorin, standing at the entrance to greet us. I was nervous when I saw them, so I moved behind 'Amad's leg and peeked out at the waiting Dwarves. All three of them had smiles on their faces. 'Amad introduced them to me and I to them, but I was so nervous, I stayed rooted to the spot. But Thorin was very curious about me - having approached me slowly so I wouldn't spook so easily. His Durin Blue eyes were filled with curiosity and such gentleness, I felt my nervousness slowly disappear - growing curious when I watched him stop before me, holding out a hand for me to take. "'I'm Thorin, at your service. What's your name?' He has asked after introducing himself. There was such warmth and tenderness in his eyes that told me I could trust him. So I put my hand in his and slowly stepped out from behind 'Amad's leg - still a bit tense, because I was not used to being around Dwarves. But Thorin made me feel cherished that day. "'My name is Raven.' I told him. "'I'm new to all of this and I'm a bit scared since I have never been around a Dwarf before.' I had added afterwards. But Thorin only smiled, pulling me into a gentle hug and gently telling me that I will be okay - that I will always be safe because I will always have him around. And that's how we became friends. From then on we were inseparable - doing everything together. And I felt my nervousness die away completely because I had found a new family and I had made a new friend who always stuck by my side and always included me in all of his duties - King Thror trying to protest, but Thrain had told his father that Thorin had made a vow to never leave me alone - that he will always be by my side every day and his vow was something Thorin had always upheld."

I felt my own tears fall down my face while my daughter recounted the memory to me. The way she talked about Thorin just struck my heart very deep. She treasured her best friend - still treasured her best friend despite being apart for so long. Her eyes had glazed over while she recounted the special dream to me. But then her smile faded and her eyes darkened when reality set back in.

"I don't know what to do, 'Amad." Raven finally told me. "I feel I have more questions than answers. I don't know who my birth parents are. I don't know where I come from. 'Amad and 'Adad are dead so I can't ask them. I feel so stuck and I don't know which direction to go - or where to even start with my search."

"Sweetheart...." I patted my daughter's hand. " I understand you are feeling heartbroken and lost. Don't you think that instead of letting your nightmares to continue - ending by leaving you with more questions than answers, you should go out and find those answers yourself?" I asked, trying to get her brain to start processing an idea she probably hadn't thought of.

"Where would I go to get answers?" I heard her ask. "The only place to find answers would be where everything started: Ered Luin."

"Then go to Ered Luin to find your answers." I urged, "you have suffered quite enough already. It's time to close that part of your life so you don't have nightmares anymore - just dreams you can treasure."

"I can't just drop everything and up and leave, 'Amad!" I heard Raven protest. "What if something happens while I'm away? I won't be here to help."

"Sweetheart....." I gently squeezed my baby girl's hand. "It's time for you to close this chapter of your life so you can move forwards." I assured, "I will be fine - Bilbo and I both will be fine while you are gone. We have our neighbors, should something happen. You also haven't seen your people in a long time. So I think a visit to Ered Luin is in order so you can see your people again - as well as Thorin." I watched Raven shake her head. I felt my heart clutch when she revealed a painful memory.

"The last time I saw Thorin, was before 'Amad and 'Adad brought me to The Shire. The last thing I remember is hearing him beg and plead for me not to leave him. His eyes were full of so much hurt while he held mine. I watched tears fall down his face while I broke his heart by telling him I tried begging and pleading 'Amad and 'Adad to let me stay - explaining to him that I had already tried telling them I didn't want to leave Ered Luin - that I wanted so badly to stay with him. But they decided to take me to The Shire anyways." Tears fell down her face while she recounted the painful memory of the last day she saw Thorin. "I heard him Thorin call my name from behind while I was being led away. I tried fighting against their pull to go running back to Thorin, but I couldn't. I wasn't strong enough. If I return to Ered Luin - I know it will not be a pleasant meeting between Thorin and I when we meet one another again after all of this time apart - Mahal only knows how much he is hurting on the inside. I also wouldn't be surprised if Thorin has hardened his heart against any pain - going as far as growing cold. The worst part is - a week before leaving Ered Luin, I felt a strange magnetic pull towards Thorin, and it only grew as the time went on. Many people would tell me I'm just imagining things, but I remember clear as crystal I felt the strong pull towards Thorin - the pull of a soulmate: his other half - as if Mahaland Yavannah had crafted me specially just for Thorin and for Thorin alone. I miss him terribly, but I'm also afraid of looking him in the eye again."

"All the more reason for you to go back - at least let Thorin know all is well with you. Let everything else work itself out. But your people need to see you again - Balin especially. I'm sure he would love to see you again and know you are alive and all is well." I cupped the side of my baby girl's face. "Thorin will eventually come around. It may take some time, but he will come around once he gets over being shocked." I urged even harder. "Please, sweetheart. Please close this chapter of your life so you don't suffer anymore - if not for yourself, then for me?"

"Alright, 'Amad." Raven told me while letting out a sigh. "Alright."

"Thank you." I leaned back in my chair just as Bilbo set breakfast down on the table.

"Eat up, sweetheart, then pack a bag. You have a long journey ahead of you." I smiled when I saw my baby girl give a nod then dig into her food.

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