The Alpha Centauri Expedition

4. The Valley of Grief

The loss of her father became a painful trauma in Gayatri's life. For a long time, she refused to hear any stories about her father. However, as time went by, she gradually began to understand what had happened on Titan that day. When entering Saptonium Valley, the propulsion system of the Antasena spacecraft manned by her father suddenly failed, causing the spacecraft to glide uncontrollably. Unfortunately, at that unfortunate moment, a sandstorm swept into the valley, causing the spacecraft to crash into the cliffs of one of the surrounding mountains. The impact of the spacecraft against the cliff triggered the antimatter reactor inside the spacecraft, causing a massive explosion. The Antasena spacecraft was completely destroyed, and the portion of the cliff crumbled. As a result, Antasena and all its contents were annihilated, no longer recognizable. The collapsed cliff left a lasting mark.

That was what made Gayatri always avoid Titan. The trauma of losing her father haunted her. She was still unable to face the place where her father had perished. She feared that deep sorrow would engulf her heart once again. The virtual flight with the simulator to Titan, which they were going to undertake that morning, could have brought back that sorrow. How could it not? The emergency maneuver they were going to perform required landing the spacecraft at the Titan II space station through Saptonium Valley. That meant the spacecraft would pass through the same path that her father had taken when the tragedy occurred. The place where her father had fallen would appear before her eyes. And Gayatri knew well that the scenery presented by the simulator closely resembled the actual conditions. She couldn't bear to see the remnants of the collapsed cliff on the mountain, which stood as silent witnesses of the spacecraft explosion that took her father's life.

Gayatri snapped out of her reverie. From her mouth, the utterance of istighfar, seeking Allah's forgiveness, could be heard repeatedly. Feeling weak, she rose from her seat. Her heart was still shrouded in anxiety and she did not know how to get rid of it. She hurriedly cleaned herself and performed ablution to promptly observe the dawn prayer. She concluded her worship with a longer prayer than usual to soothe her restless heart.

Suddenly, she felt the urge to talk to her mother. She put on the UVA and asked the AI to connect it. Shortly after, a three-dimensional virtual reality video image of her mother appeared before her. Her mother was still wearing a white prayer garment and kneeling on the prayer mat.

"Assalamualaikum, ma...," Gayatri initiated the conversation.

"Waalaikumussalam...," her mother responded from the other end.

"Have you finished praying, ma?" Gayatri asked.

"Yes, Gaya. Have you prayed, dear?" her mother replied, returning the question.

"Yes, ma," she answered. Then she fell silent, prompting her mother to inquire.

"What's the matter, Gaya? Are you okay?" her mother asked. Gayatri remained silent for a moment before finally speaking up.

"Ma, later I have to fly with the simulator to Titan...," she uttered softly. Her mother began to sense what was troubling her daughter and tried to think of what to say.

"Sooner or later, you will go there, Gaya. Try to accept it," her mother said. Gayatri sighed. They had discussed it many times before, and Gayatri knew what her mother would say. She had memorized all the words and advice her mother usually gave, but at that moment, she simply wanted to hear her mother's voice to soothe her heart.

"Yes, ma, but somehow I'm still afraid to see that place...," Gayatri's voice faltered. Gayatri's mother understood that her daughter was referring to the place where her father had fallen.

Mira, Gayatri's mother, once met with a psychologist from the Space Force who explained to her that Gayatri had impressive psychometric scores but had one weakness, which was psychological trauma due to the loss of her father. Mira understood that it could happen because Gayatri was very close to her father. She was an only child who idolized her father. She didn't have any siblings to share with, and her father filled that void. So when her father passed away, it deeply devastated her. Since then, Gayatri had no other desire but to become an astronaut like her father. With a heavy heart, Mira had to accept her daughter's choice, even though she was always filled with anxiety. Truly, she didn't want to experience losing a loved one for the second time in outer space.