Heathens & Hand Grenades (Book 1 of the Heathens Duet)

Chapter 69- Callie

"Ready to go back home?" Dario asks.

Home is such a loaded word. Their home, my home, our home? So many different answers to the same question and all of them come up blank. Instead of lying, even inadvertently, I just shrug and follow them to the car. God squeezes my hand from where we bring up the rear and I'm grateful for his silent show of support.

The drive falls into semi-easy lull. Dosing off in the car seems to be a bad habit of mine and this trip is no different. Jaxson sits in the front, eerily still until he adds another idea to his mental list. At least I figure that's the most likely answer given the damn near giddy expression dancing along his face before he resumes his best living statue impression once he remembers that the time for new ideas has come and gone. Dario is driving, bouncing along to music that I'd best describe as happy chaos. Loud, thumping bass lines, and laser sound effects galore. It fits him perfectly. I ignore the arms around me, sleeping calmly as if everything is fine between us. An issue I can't even fathom how to address. It's made so much harder when part of me just wants to snuggle deeper in his arms and soak up this time where he doesn't detest my presence.

God bounces between watching the scenery, his brothers, and me. I can feel them on me, scrutinizing every move or twitch of my face. The same face that still bears the evidence of Colt's abuse, tightening where he burned me. My body is broken, blistered, bruised and I can't even hide it, still dressed in the same damn dress he laid out for me however many hours ago.

Light in the distance is my only indicator that another day is on the horizon. Forgiveness is such a tricky little thing. I forgave Colt far too many times to count and all it got me was pain. With him I forgave because there was love, at least on my part. What do I even have with God and Rave? I don't even have their names and they want forgiveness? I don't know that I can. They rescued me and now we're even. A future full of hiding or a life waiting to start are the only things awaiting me. Both are miserable outcomes. The bittersweet expression on God's face is just another confirmation of my options. He knows there is an expiration date on this, even if the others turn a blind eye.

All I can offer him is a watery smile.

He gives me a slow nod back as he rubs a hand across his jagged, neck scars. A hand on the Dario's shoulder has us pulling over at the next run-down gas station for them to switch seats. I only pay attention because we stopped and Dario made sure to pick up some fruit snacks for us to share in the back. Jaxson's marble face of serenity has morphed into a repressed anger. I shrug it off because deciphering his micro expressions and mannerisms is something I could study until I had a doctorate in and still guess wrong.

God's taken over the music and soon Tim McGraw starts crooning about Johnny's daddy taking him fishing. That's all it takes to wake Rave who tightens his arms around me, before he pulls back to his side of the backseat. His velvet eyes take in the seating arrangement as he balls his fists in his lap. If he was this pissed to be beside me, he could have easily sat up front. He would've easily had more room.

To avoid the solid brick of tension beside me, I look out the window on Dario's side. For once I recognize the scenery.

Suddenly the anger and silence make a lot more sense. I'm home and not the concrete bunker, I've come to find some strange bit of comfort in. As we drive closer, I realize they're taking me to Rachel's place and that has me ready to break down. They're not abandoning me to the loneliness that would await me at my apartment.

"Why?" The question from my ray of sunshine in all this has tears welling up behind my eyes and my throat clogging up with all of the things I want to say and know it's not the right time. It's too soon. And it's not just him.

"I need to figure out who Callie Danvers is, when she's not running from being Calista Wallace. I know if I just gave in and stayed, I would mold myself to be what you all need," I admit to myself. "I would end up resenting you. All of you. With Colt missing and me kidnapped, that's a lot of attention you don't need. Let me protect you. Please," I plead.

"For now, Pet," Jaxson eventually says. "You still belong to me and I don't want to see anyone else sniffing around you in our absence. I still have a list."

My heart warms at his threat. It's possessive and twisted, just like him.

"I'll be watching, always Callie Cat," Dario says solemnly with his forehead pressed against mine before he boops my nose with his finger. My giggle dissolves into tears which he kisses away. "You keep crying and I'm never letting you go."

"We'll see about that Superboy," I tease, but I falls flat like my smile. I'm not as strong as I'd like to be, but this isn't goodbye forever. Just for now. It has to be, for them and for me.

Rave has been strumming at his thigh and I lean into him. Our story is a jumbled mess of starts, stops, frustration and fear, and most of all love. Maybe not aimed at me, but his brothers. So, while I may have been hurt most of all by his actions, I understand them for what they were. He was willing to break their hearts and take their anger to protect them from the danger my presence posed. I can't fault them for that, especially with me effectively doing the same. I need to heal before I start something with any of them. All of them? Definitely going to be doing a few google searches on how that would even work.

"Maybe I'll get to hear you play again sometime. Over coffee, the good kind," I raise my brows at him.

He laughs and my chest floods with warmth I didn't think I'd be able to feel with the way it's cracking, but I feel it in all the little fissures.

"I'll make sure to practice for you Princess."

"You are so much stronger than you know Calista. Take care, Baby Girl. We'll always have your back when you need us." God leans back over the center console and I lean in until we're only a breath apart. "When we meet again, you better be prepared for me to take all that you've been promising. Daddy's starving." He ends with a chaste kiss to my forehead while my brain is short-circuiting. Rave opens the door and lets me out.

I'm not even sure what day it is, but I'd have to be blind not to see that I look like your average twenty something stumbling home on a walk of shame. Rachel lives in assisted living so I'm sure it's not the usual sight around here, but life has been anything but usual for me for a while. Head held high, I walk with purpose. As much as I want to crumble into a puddle and cry, now is not the time. They would never leave if they knew how much I don't want to do this. I need to. The guys wait until I'm safely behind the community's gates before they take off, my heart with them.