Asta Silva - Childhood and travel

Chapter 20

"What do you mean?" I played the fool.

"Asta" he sighed heavily "I have no intent to judge you. I want to help. And to do that, you need to tell me what's wrong with your family. Did you escape? Did they kick you out? What happened?" I looked down and clenched my fists on my lap. I hear a chair move and Mikuno was in front of me. He kneeled down so that I could look him in the eyes. "Asta. I care deeply about you, you're like a younger brother to me, and I want to know what happened. It's okay if you're not ready, I'll wait. But I can't hide that I'd rather hear your anwser today"

I felt my heart tighten along with my throat. Tears gathered in my eyes. I wanted to tell him. But how? Will he hate me for it? Or maybe he will let my family know that I'm alive? What should I do?

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I opened my mouth and began telling everything, from the beginning to the end.

***

"Do you want to go back?" Mikuno asked one day.

After I told him everything, he was ready to go to Clover and kill everyone there, but I discouraged that idea. Liebe didn't help at all. Quite the opposite. He was equally happy as Mikuno when he told his plan. Sometimes I have enough of both of them.

"Yes" I said with no thought "Not now, obviously, but it was never my plan to land here. I would like to go back there when I feel I'm finally ready to face my family again" I explained, forging a sword.

"That's not your family" The man said suddenly.

"What?" I stopped forging. I looked an Mikuno with shock.

"Family should care about and support each other. They don't do that, so they're not one" he explained, smoking a cigarette.

"Our blood ties us" I mumbled, turning my back to him. I felt weird, talking about it.

"Blood means nothing. Your family can be anyone you wish it to be, but you shouldn't do that if you do it because of bloodlines, and not because of love"

"I..." I was stumped.

"Do you love them?"

I furrowed my brows. Do I love them? A year ago I would probably say yes without further thought. Before, I didn't have anyone else except the Vermillions. They gave me that little bit of warmth that showed me what it means to be a family. Then Langris came, and I could confidently say that I love him. He stayed by me and tried to change for me. He showed me that despite my lack of magic, I could be loved. And the Silvas... I can't forgive Noelle. I don't want to hate her, but I'm not able to love her. I just feel empty when I think about her. The case gets complicated when it comes to Solid and Nebra. I admire them, but... I don't think it's love. Dad is the only person that I simultaneously hate and love. So can I really say that they're my family?"Don't worry about it, kid. You'll figure it out in time" Mikuno said, pulling me out of my thoughts. He ruffled my hair. "By the way your hair is getting even longer" he was right. They reached my waist now. "Do you want to cut it?" he asked.

"No" I immediately said. I didn't want to cut it. It may sound funny, but I was so similiar looking to mom that when I forgot what she looked like, I just had to look in the mirror. My mom had long hair and I don't want to get rid of it. It's a part of me I don't want to forget. Even if it reminds me of times I was ignored by everyone else.

"Why? It's unpractical" he side-eyed me.

"It reminds me of mom" I said quietly.

"Oh, alright"