No Strings Attached

Chapter 15: Hearts and Stars

Becca bit her lip, unsure if she really wanted to know the answer to her next question, but still she dared. "Did you and Scott ever..."

"No." Freen cut her off before she could finish her question, knowing already how the rest of it would go. "I just...never wanted to. He had plans for Prom night. That's when I broke up with him."

Becca shut her eyes tightly, not wanting to show how relieved she was to hear Freen say it. She might have been a bit of a hypocrite since she had slept with quite a few girls already, but somehow knowing that Freen was untainted by a man was a huge load off of her chest.

"My turn for questions, Armstrong." Freen nudged Becca's head lightly with her shoulder.

"Sure, I'm an open book." Becca smirked and rolled her eyes. Her words had been laced with sarcasm. To be honest, her heart was pounding at the thought of what Freen might ask her.

"Why did you never tell me?" Freen asked softly, listening to Becca's breathing.

"Tell you what?" Becca asked, managing to sound genuine but really very aware of what Freen was asking about. She needed the couple of heartbeats to think of her answer.

"That you liked me...more than just a friend..." Freen's words came out carefully and a little awkwardly. It really wasn't an easy topic to broach for either of them.

Becca sighed deeply once again and closed her eyes, feeling them stinging slightly. "I...was scared. I had never felt anything for anyone until I met you. I didn't know what to make of it. I didn't know whether the attraction was because I enjoyed your company, or because I wanted to be more like you... Or because I had romantic inclinations towards you. Like you said, school was a confusing time. Not to mention I was so scared of doing or saying something that would break our friendship. But I guess that happened anyway..."

Freen could hear the hurt and disappointment in Becca's last words and it made her own heart ache. She still felt like the world's biggest idiot in choosing anyone else over Becca. Becca had been the best friend, the best partner, and Freen couldn't help but think that she would have been the best girlfriend as well.

"When did you realise?" Freen asked, wanting to know more about what she had missed out on and when she had missed out on it.

"I knew something was different when you first told me you had been hooking up with Scott, but it took me a while to figure it out. The more you pulled away from me after that, it felt like you were pulling my soul with you, while I was the hollow shell left behind. By the time you guys spent your first Valentine's together, the display from you guys and the excitement from everyone else... I knew. It hurt like a bitch. I realised that I wanted to be the one to spoil you, to show you off, to take you out and to sweep you off your feet. I wanted it to be me... I wanted to be him..." Becca breathed a little raggedly as she relived some of those emotions.

It was one of the most difficult moments in her life. Not only did she realise she was gay, but at the same moment she also had her heart broken for the first and only time. She had never been the same again when it came to love. That's why having one night stands with random girls suited her just fine as she didn't need to form any emotional connections. She hadn't wanted to. And now she started thinking that maybe it was because of some little bit of hope left in the back of her mind that someday, somehow, she would have Freen back.

However now that it seemed that the possibility was there, the fear did not go away. They were slowly rebuilding some sort of friendship and she couldn't help but fear that the past would just repeat itself again. Her heart had been on lockdown for so long that she wondered whether there even was a key anymore.

The atmosphere grew silent between the two, both just content to be in each other's presence, even though both had just opened up on a level they had never reached before. This truly was new territory for them, and despite the intense physical attraction they started experiencing, it was the deeper emotional connection that had their hearts beating just a little bit harder...a little bit faster.

With idle fingers Becca started picking at her guitar again, her mind full of images of what had been, what could have been, and what might still be.

"And all of these moments
Just might find their way into my dreams tonight,
But I know that they'll be gone
When the morning light sings.
Or brings new things
For tomorrow night you see
That they'll be gone too,
Too many things I have to do.
But if all of these dreams might find their way
Into my day to day scene
I'd be under the impression
I was somewhere in between.
With only two,
Just me and you,
Not so many things we got to do
Or places we got to be;
We'll sit beneath the mango tree now.
Yeah, it's always better when we're together.
Mmm, we'll look at the stars when we're together.
Well, it's always better when we're together.
Yeah, it's always better when we're together."

She sang the Jack Johnson song gently as Freen listened with a soft smile on her face, her head leaning just slightly closer to Becca's. Whether Becca's hope still existed or not, one thing Freen was sure of was that she had hope. Looking up at the stars with Becca crooning in her ear...she had hope. When Becca had finished the part of the song she had decided to play, Freen slowly rolled over in order to rest on her elbows, now able to see Becca.

Becca noticed and put her guitar to the side in order to follow Freen's motions and also roll over, resting on her elbows. Face to face now, eyes locked, those hearts beat even stronger. One second...two seconds...three seconds... They ticked by like years. Tension grew to palpable levels, yet neither moved.

"I better get going... I'll see you tomorrow..." Freen breathed her words onto Becca's lips before pulling back and moving to her feet. Becca smiled happily up at her and Freen mirrored her, a pleasant warmth settling in over the two of them. Becca got up and nodded, a little disappointed and a little relieved all at once. She knew Freen was feeling it too. Slowly walking Freen to her car, Becca realised how crucial that night had been for them. They were finally moving in a direction that they needed to during and after all those years. Their child's play was turning into adult reality and it would not be any easier.

A moment of uncertainty and hesitation came, but left just as quickly again when they watched the soft look in each other's eyes. They leaned into a soft hug that seemed like it might last forever, even if it didn't.

They both thought that maybe, just maybe, one day it could last forever.