Brotherhood last a lifetime - Prequels

You don't have to celebrate, just because they do - Part 2

When you are a child you see Christmas through other eyes. Christmas is something magical. Santa Clause or Julenissen or Das Christkind or whoever will visit you. Even when you are not Christian you will probably get something for Christmas. And it is one of the best times of your year.

When you grow older, Christmas maybe loses the magic but probably never the warmth.

But while most people celebrate happily they forget, that for some people, Christmas isn't just joy. I can be a reminder of lost loved ones. Of something you once had or a reminder, that you are alone.

So for some, Christmas doesn't feel like magic. It feels like something, they are forced to celebrate.
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With tears in his eyes, Sam watched his son and wife decorate the Christmas Tree. It wasn't a classical Christmas Tree. No. They lived in L.A. after all. It was a small palm tree. But the young boy didn't seem to mind. He was just happy, to finally have his dad home for good.

Michelle had asked him, why he didn't want to decorate the tree with him. Aiden had begged him, to help. But he just couldn't.

It was hard enough for him to watch. The reminder of the ones he had lost that year, too strong to overcome.

Last year, they had celebrated at Mac's. The whole team and their families together.

The team had just come home from deployment, so they had been exhausted, when they had arrived just one day before Christmas. Their families had already been there.

That night, none of them had been able to find sleep. So they had found themselves outside in the snow at two in the morning. Mac had brought a box with Christmas decorations and Evan had found the perfect Christmas Tree.

So at two in the morning, while it was dark and they were freezing they had decorated a little Christmas tree just for them. He still had the photo, they had taken with it. All of them smiling at the camera. Since Evan had left them after his mental breakdown, he carried it with him, wherever he went. It was a reminder, of what they had had. Of the good time, they all had just seven months, before everything went to shit.

So to say, that he didn't really feel like celebrating, was pretty accurate. He knew he would plaster on a smile for his wife and boy but his heart would feel the Christmas spirit.
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Miles away Booth had a similar problem. He felt like an outsider to his own family. Parker and Rebecca were making Christmas cookies. They did every year. But normally, when Booth was home, he joined them.

For years, he had found joy in baking with his son. But this year? It just felt wrong.

A few years ago, when Evan and Mac had spent Christmas with him, Parker, and Rebecca (because no one on the team wanted to leave the two youngest out of their eyesight for too long. They would just get in trouble) Seeley had taught Evan the recipe.

It wasn't a special one. Just one, that they made every year. Out of one of the old cookbooks, someone had gifted them at one point.

And Booth had loved every moment of it. How Evan and he had worked together to get the cookies perfect. How Evan had taken over an hour to decorate every cookie together with Parker. They had made them a masterpiece.

But now?

Now it was a reminder of what they had lost. Of what he had lost.

If Evan had still been in contact with them, he would have invited the younger man. Booth knew, that Evan was still grieving the love of his life. But he wanted the other to be able to smile again. He wanted to spend Christmas with him once again.

Parker and Rebecca laughed together about something. But Seeley couldn't bring himself to smile. He didn't feel like Christmas this year. He would plaster on a smile for his family, but his heart wouldn't feel it.
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Both men could still remember what Evan once had told the team.

They had been talking about birthdays and celebrations in general. Evan had told them, that he never really had celebrated his birthday as a child. They immediately wanted to through him a big party at his next one, but the younger man had declined.

Neither Sam nor Booth had really understood why at this time. They knew, that the other man battled with anxiety and other stuff (honestly, at one point Sam had asked himself how he was even able to get through the psych equal). Later they had learned about his childhood and growing up. How shitty his parents were to him. And they had understood.

But at this moment Evan had shown his full wisdom. All of them knew, that Evan was way too wise for his age and he certainly nearly never let it show, but when he did, all of them thought he could have been a poet in another life.

"You know guys... I never had it, but I didn't really miss it either. As a child, I sure wished for some acknowledgment on my birthday, but I never felt, like celebrating. And that's okay. Because you don't have to celebrate when you don't feel like it. Just because they do it, doesn't mean you have to. Just make sure, that you feel comfortable with whatever is going on on your special day or this magical season. In the end, those are just other days of the year."

And he was right. Had been back then. But right now, both men felt like, he had seen their future. Like he had prepared them for this exact moment. So they knew, it was okay, not to celebrate Christmas, even so, everyone else did.

It was okay, that they weren't in the mood. That they were still grieving. Even after five months.

So both men sent a short prayer up, so Evan would be taken care of and continued to fake a smile for their families.