Desire's & Fate

Chapter 6

"I have to go Ryon. I have stuff to get done and Keyana and I have yoga before bed," she said looking at the food box.

"Hey, what changed?" I asked softly reaching for her hands. I watched as she take deep breaths and I smile.
"Are you alright?" I asked after she takes another breath.

"Yes, I'm fine," but she did not look at me.

"We need to talk?" I lifted her chin.

"Great," she rolled her eyes, grabbed her arm, and folded it under her breast.

"What does that mean?" I asked staring at her lips that are so soft and pink and swollen and wet the way she licked over them, what a great mouth she has. I swallowed hard when she tucked her arm tighter under her breast and I wondered what her skin felt like there.

"Ryon!"

"Sorry, you said?" I loosen my tie.

"I'm tired of this, your hot then your cold, You don't really want to stay
but you don't really want to go. I'm a fool chasing after you and I'm tired," she said with a hurt look across her face and a myriad of emotions displayed on her face.

"Wait what did I miss here?" I asked.

"The part where I don't want to do this anymore," she said looking down.

"What?" I felt like everything was slipping away from me. I felt out of control and I hate it. Sibel Benjamin makes my blood boil and all the times I've tried to stay away to leave her be— it was what I wanted, right? It's what I told myself was best. I like my life the way it was before her, this guilt in my chest eating at me to go then why the fuck did I have this achy feeling in my chest like I was losing something very important I absolutely hate it when she said it.

"Shit," I run my fingers through my hair. Maybe I can understand but fuck I love the exhilaration of her chaste, of always being available for me, I felt needed. We would gravitate to each other, the energy and our fights, it was fascinating to me.

"Sibel, there is so much going on. I... I just don't—"

"Don't what?" She cut me off.

"Let me make this easy for you as well. You don't owe me anything Ryon, there wasn't anything between from the beginning. I was the one running around with my head in the cloud and my ass in the air, you pitied me right?"

"Stop right there," I said.

Sibel snorted, "Poor little Sibel right, not experienced enough, too young and naive, if you sneak around enough with her she will get the message," she said and my heart stopped.

"What are you talking about Sible."

"I'm a lousy laid, you had better, you've had my sisters, you've had Fiona but when it comes to me, I'm therapy right? To bear your soul. I don't know why it surprised me when everyone knew all you ever do is get your rock off and that was good enough for you."

"That's what you believe? Look Sibel a lot has been going on, I'm giving you all I can because it's all I have at the moment. You're special to me, I've fucked enough women to know when I'm experiencing something different. It's not about the sex, I can fuck anyone but I want you... you make me satisfied with just being here sitting in my truck I can't describe it I don't know what words to use to make you see I'm trying to do right by you. You think I couldn't fuck you already but you're everything I've run from my entire life. I'm lost, I'm confused about what I need to do, and nothing makes sense to me anymore."

"This can't work Ryon. I have to move on."

"I don't want you to."

"Ryon..."

"Please... I'm going out of my fucking mind."

"That's your problem right there you think too much and never feel. Just feel Ryon."

"It's not that easy! I want you so bad it hurts Sibel."

"Please let's not make this harder than it has to be. One of us has to be sensible here. I want you, Ryon, I don't have to keep reminding you of that, I craved your touch, your kiss, your embrace, the way we talk, everything and all the women you had on your arm probably said the same." she said and I opened my mouth but close it when she lifted her hand.

"We've known each other long enough for you to know me and I know you well enough to know the kind of man that you are but I'm not that type of girl contrary to what you believe with the way I have thrown myself at you constantly. Hell, I wouldn't have kept myself if I was into casual sex but the other day proved one thing. You're fighting against everything that should be simple here and for the first time I saw it for what it is."

"I want you, Sibel I wish I could have you in my bed, in my house, at my office, I wish I could convince you how badly I want you."

"But your action proved otherwise," she cut me off.

"What do I have to do to convince you."

"Of what... You shouldn't have to convince me, I should know. I should have had my pride a long time ago. I know your rep and I just can't anymore, I can't," she said and I was dying inside.

"Why do you think I haven't touched you?"

"Exactly, good night Ryon," she said jumped out of my truck, and picked up the bag of food.

"Sibel!"

"Goodbye Ryon," she said with such finality and closed the door.

Fuck, I throw my head back on the headrest.

"I haven't slept with any of your sisters," I shouted after her but she walked away leaving me sitting here.

Fuck, fuck, fuck.