Rivals (#3)

9.

Hudson.

Well, she couldn't have run faster out the door.

Fucking fantastic.

Pain's throbbing through every bit of my body. Not the type of pain that's dull or beneath the surface. Pain that feels like a million cigarettes pressed to my skin. Heaviness in my chest where the bruises lie that feels like water suffocating my lungs. Nothing is spared. None of my body feels like my own, beaten and marred.

But today's been the easiest one yet. The least detrimental. I can walk, stay in consciousness, open my eyes. I guess it's better but I think I'd rather black out than be conscious and feel every bit of this.

I couldn't go anywhere else and now I fucking regret even coming here at all. I should've known that mentioning orgasms would make her flee. Or more accurately, orgasms given to her by me. The me is the problem there.

I lean back against the shelves, grunting as I try to situate myself in a way that doesn't hurt my back too much. Thankfully, my high's still in effect, dulling some of my pain and putting most of my head at ease.

The look on her face. I can't entirely figure out what makes her turn ice cold when she recalls that night. It's not like I exactly want to recall any of it either.

The last thing she's wanted since the day I met her is to give in to me. Letting me please her for that one moment - I assume it feels like failure to her. I assume that's why she looked like she couldn't breathe even thinking of it.

I didn't even fuck the girl, no matter the suspicions. It's embarrassing that I didn't, yet, when I snort a line and my head drifts, it floats to her that night.

Fuck. It's pathetic.

But I can't help except wonder whether she wishes for more. Most girls do. And she's not like the girls I fuck. The girls I fuck don't look like they're about to pass out from anxiety because I made them come once a few weeks ago. I knew I shouldn't have indulged in it. She was never meant for it.

She's an oxymoron. Confident and shy. Bold but inexperienced. Sunny but sassy as shit. We both were there that night. She indulged in the darker side and a bit of her sunshine self liked it.

Val was raised to an idealistic happy family, gliding through life with grins and privilege. The girl probably dreams of marrying a pretty prince. It's everything I could never want, the type of girl that's never resonated with me nor do I give a fuck about.

You're either born to the good side, or on the wrong side of the tracks. No matter how much they might try, the sides can't mix. Pain knows pain, and dark calls to dark. To me, the light and the good has always been really fucking unappealing.

There's far too much darkness in me to ever mix with the light without tainting it. And to her, I'm everything she wants to stay away from.

Listening intently, I cant hear any of them in the lounge room. I can't be caught in here. I cannot be fucking caught by them. Even thinking of it makes my skin crawl uncomfortably, needing to be alone. Alone so I can do what I want, take what I want.

I know they want to make me return to them, figure me out and as the days have passed, they're more hellbent than ever. It's more trouble than I care for right now.

I just need to get what I need so I can slip out, back to where I can indulge in peace.

I slip out of the storage closet, nobody in my vicinity so I turn down the hall of the bedrooms and keep my feet light. Val's room is besides mine so I walk past it, her door already open. I always cringe when I step into her cesspit. It's like a fucking unicorn barfed in here with all the colour.