True love saved her

Chapter 3, addicted.

*Sarah's P.O.V. *

My mom never really had any idea of my depression. My cuts weren't visible but they have gotten worse. It was like I got addicted to it like that's the only thing that relieve me from my emotions and problems anymore. My hips were scarred my left arm was scarred I just had a lot of scars in general. Mental and physical ones. I never planned on telling my mom either but one day I got in a fight with a few friends that were really close to me and meant a lot to me and I had a feeling things weren't going to work out. Other things had been occurring but I've just been ignoring them because I didn't want them to affect me and make me go off the deep end. I guess it was just The fight that tipped me off and it added on with everything else, I had a lot of emotions built up inside and I couldn't keep them in any longer so I went to take a shower.

Normally when I would cut I would do it in my room in my bed so that way if my mom came in I could throw the covers over me and pretend to be asleep but I decided to do it in the shower because I thought it would do all the work of washing the blood off for me. By this time in my life my right hip had taken most of my cuts, the skin on the side of my hip about 3 inches by 6 inches had been cut so much that I believe it was basically like dead skin, I barely felt any pain when I would cut there so I normally cut there and just cut multiple times. Before this I had told my best friend at the time that I cut and she knew and she had been going through it with me trying to get me to stop. I kind of stopped telling her after a while though because I didn't want her worrying as much as she did because some days I felt like I was too much of a burden on her and I hate it when I feel like I'm getting on someone else's nerves especially someone that I care about.
Anyways, I was going to take a shower so I yelled out my bathroom door to my mom "okay taking my shower now!" then she yells back "okay just don't take too long!" So I got in the shower washed my hair took care of the personal normal body care and then I picked up my razor from under my shampoo bottle. I was very upset from the past couple of events that occurred and it kinda just took over me. I made multiple cuts on my right hip and some on my left. On my left hip I could feel them and I noticed that they were just straight cuts they weren't deep or anything. I never really went deep and I never thought I would but as I started to cut my right hip I wasn't paying much attention because it didn't hurt.
I had been documenting pictures of how bad I would cut each time and I would try to either lessen the amount of cuts or lessen the size of them. Then I hear a quick knock on the door, then my mom walks in on me taking a picture of my right hip to see how bad it was. She saw the flash an thought the worst, that I was sending pictures to someone of me in the shower. I yelled and cried and complained to her to not take my phone that that's not what I was doing I gave her a million excuses like "I was just changing my music and the flash went off" and other things like "I had my flashlight app on because I stepped on something in the shower" but she didn't believe me and just yells "Sarah Cole you better give me that phone right now young lady!" So I did as I was told but I locked my phone hoping she didn't know my password.
As I got out of the shower I realized my hip is still bleeding, I looked at it. I realize that it was much worse than I anticipated. Later that night my mom come storming in my room "Sarah why would you do something like this turn over let me see your hips right now" so I turned over after arguing for a few minutes about how I shouldn't have to that she should trust me so I turned over and she pulls down the side of my pants and looks at my hips. She thinks I'm stupid for doing it, she tells me that I have no reason, but if only she could be in my mind and feel how I felt every day. She had no idea that I was depressed but I'd known for 2 & 1/2 years.

That was on December 31 of 2014, on January 2nd my mom took me to the doctor the first day they were opened after New Year's. She told my doctor that I had been losing interest in everything, I had been isolating myself from other people, and that all I ever did was sit at home alone in my bedroom with the door shut. The next words that came out of my doctors mouth were what I imagined as a nightmare for the day that my mom had to hear this. "She's depressed" My doctor said. The look on my mom's face made me want to automatically burst into tears but I held them behind my eyes until my mom explains my past to the doctor and then the doctor looks at me and says "I can see why you would have depression you've had a rough past and anyone the past like yours is clearly obligated to have depression as they get older and have to start to deal with it" that's not what I wanted my mom to hear and that's not what I wanted to hear from my doctor. So they do some tests and asked me some questions and then they finally put me on antidepressants. I've heard much about them but I've also heard that they don't work.

The car ride to home afterwards was silent, my mom didn't say a word. I felt so bad, I wished she didn't have to know this because I knew that it was going to break her heart when she found out. She seemed as if she was in a state of shock. For the next day or two she was very nice to me. but then we got in an argument and began to fight again, I have been ignoring many of my friends because of my depression and I just didn't feel like talking because I felt like I screwed up every time I talk to someone. so I lost a lot of friends and felt like I had no one to talk to and just began to feel useless. January 7th, my mom and I got into a fight again at first it was just a little bit of raising our voices and then it got into all out yelling. She screamed at me "I don't see how you could be depressed we're giving you everything that we can and you would think that you would be happy! You should be thankful for all that you have!" I yelled back at her "I don't want to be sad every day! I don't want to feel useless no good like a piece of trash every day of my life! Please mom don't blame it on yourself it's not your fault it's just the way I feel and I can't help it I wish I can make it all go away but I can't I'm sorry I'm sad every day I wish I could change it! Just please don't make things worse by blaming it on yourself!" I felt horrible no good and everything just got to me... I felt like I was about to do something for my own good and to get out of everyone's way and stop being such a burden.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
-Author's Note-
I hope I'm doing good so far I'm trying to put a lot of thought and detail into this and make it to the best of my abilities. Leave some helpful comments as to what I can do to make my writing better and just tell me if you like it so far or not. I'm trying my hardest and I hope whoever is reading this is enjoying it. It's a sad story in the beginning but it'll get a little bit deeper into romance later on. Thanks for reading, I'll update as soon as I can which will probably be at least two or three times a week. Again thank you for reading. ❤️