archenemy | clexa

forty

Technically, Clarke is fed up with her mother and technically, she's not supposed to switch between meeting people because of quarantine and she has probably surpassed the limit already, but she leaves to talk to Abby anyway. After breakfast, she gets dressed properly, folds the nightgown carefully and puts on her boots.

Abby did get another day off, apparently, maybe because the doctors are testing a new medicine and need to wait to see whether it works anyway, maybe because Abby has done so much overtime.

She's in her tent, leaned over a medical examination, tired-looking even after her long night and with a kind of concern for Clarke once Clarke says hello.

"Clarke, come in," Abby says and motions Clarke inside, who sits down and looks at Abby expectantly. "What?" Abby asks.

"What?" Clarke repeats incredulously and huffs. "You really ask me 'what' after you storm into the Heda's tent to call her a pervert taking advantage of me, to call me unable and to disrespect both of us and our relationship in about every way?"

To Clarke's surprise, Abby doesn't get defensive or tries to justify. She sinks her head into her hands instead and sighs. "I'm just worried, Clarke. I'm sorry."

"You're not sorry to her."

"No, I'm not. Can you blame me? I'm not trying to disrespect you, I'm trying to take those heart-eyed glasses off of you so you can see properly."

"I don't have 'heart-eyed glasses'. One has heart-eyed glasses when they're convinced someone is perfect and want to keep that vision. I literally met her hating her."

Abby shakes her head. "It's not about that. I'm not trying to be judgemental or an asshole. I'm trying to protect you."

"I can protect myself."

"Every teenager says that until they get their hearts broken."

"I'm not a teenager anymore and I got my heart broken more than I can fucking count. I'm not a child with a silly crush at school, mom, when the hell will you realize? I told you I'm capable. I'm capable of protecting myself, I'm capable of setting boundaries, I'm capable of breaking up with someone in case they treat me wrongly. And if she breaks my heart, so what? I can't just avoid everything that might hurt me. It's a ridiculous dream you have because you know exactly that I'm not your innocent baby daughter anymore."

Abby closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. "Look, I love you, Clarke. I love you more than anything else, the woman you are now and the girl you were on the Ark, it's all the same. I know you're capable. I just- so much was forced on you in so little time, so many responsibilities, I just want to help you. If you love her, she must be worth loving. But if you fell in love with her potential, or the idea of love- it's different, then. Are you sure you don't just need something good after so many bad things happened?"

Clarke looks at her mother in the darkened tent, eyes gleaming in the light of the fireplace, and she breaks eye contact when she realizes her mother is looking back.

Is she in love with Lexa or with the person Lexa might be?

It's easy. Clarke is in love with Lexa.

If it's so easy, why is she hesitating?

She's hesitating because she knows Lexa as an enemy, not as a lover. She is in love with Lexa, but her mother is mistaken thinking Clarke has fallen in love with the enemy. She's not in love with the enemy at all- she's in love with her lover. It's simple. She is in love with the Lexa that kisses Clarke just because she's stressing over war. That makes her eat pumpkin soup on her period. That protects Clarke from the dinosaurs in Jurassic Park on the tent canvas.