My Therapist

16

Beyonce's Pov

What was already gone could not be taken away. That was the situation between me and Onika. I didn't know it but it was there. I didn't have to know it to soon realize it was there.

It wasn't about him anymore. I didn't even know myself. Neither did Nicki.

She played her role so well she forgot who she was. Forgot how to become vulnerable even.

I was taken aback. I didn't have that person that I can reach out too. My sister is gone. My woman was gone. Everyone looked in on her hurt, asked her how was she doing. But didn't return that same energy towards me.

It was as if she sister was gone and I left her in the cold with an open wound.

I was here at this dark alley. Alone and cold. I felt like a motherless child. My mom was well and alive, but that didn't mean she was here. Here with her daughter. Maybe her only daughter.

Her other was gone. No one knew where and to me it seems no one cared enough to attempt to look. I did though. I had those sleepless nights where I was up thinking. Thinking about who, where, when, and what. Sometimes how.

The question I didn't want to ask myself was 'who was I?' I didn't recognize this specimen. Neither did the mirror.

Even when I quit doing drugs and alcohol, it still looked like I drunk a 40 for breakfast and sniffed a pound of that white substance.

I was losing more weight. I could count every bone in my ribcage.

Without my baby sister, food wasn't even a thought. I was already in a deep hole without Solange. Now i'm without the only person that kept me going. What do I do? What can I do?

I was so afraid to answer those, knowing I didn't even have the answers. Who even did?

I was in a hollow state. A state oneself would look too when it was down to this.

So many moods hit at once. Anguish was at the top of the list.

—————

"Beyonce?" I heard my name being called

I looked up and it was Aniyah.

"What happen to you?" she asked looked over my whole body

"Life" I simply say

"I heard what happen with Solange, i'm so sorry" she says and I gave her my attention

"What you know? You know some shit about it?" I asked walking closer to her

"No, Giselle." she says and I signed

"Its just not making any sense Niyah... I looked every where. It's like she not on the face of earth anywhere" I say and palmed my face

"Keep trying babe. You know my cousin is into that mystery shit so maybe he can help" she says

"He good at it?" I asked

"He may know who shot Tupac" she says and I chuckled a bit

"Ok.. ok. Well how can contact him?" I asked

She reached into her bag and gave me a card.

"Don't wait too long, he gets booked quick" she winked

"And Beyonce please, take care of yourself" she says rubbing my shoulder and walking off

I signed again and laid back into my sit.

"Hey sugar" an elderly lady approached me

She was friends with my Nana before she passed.