Muse - Scorpius Malfoy

𝐨𝐧𝐞

June 2022

Wow. Here we are, actually writing in a diary. Never thought I'd do that.

Here's the explanation: I am a free-spirited person who can't stand being framed by rules unless the rules are actually doing any good. And if you think about it, diaries oblige you to some sort of discipline. That's not to say I'm not disciplined. But the idea of journaling every single day, writing about almost the same things, since I am not a dystopian movie character, trying to save the world, or that sort of shit, is actually overwhelming.

I'll cut this crap and get to the point.

I am wounded. I am wounded so badly that I don't think a full recovery is an option here.

Let's go back to that moment. In case you ever get to live happily ever after and want to let people know this is who you were and where you came from to the point of life you are in at the moment.

—•—

May 2022

Another argument. Another shutout. Another round of overthinking.

I'm almost certain I've trapped myself in devil's circle, because why else would I find myself in constant arguments with Aaron, my cousin and one of my dearest friends, and feel like I am the one to blame and like I ruin everything even if my intentions stemmed from love and care?

But I suppose that's the thing about love. Too much of it might burn the bridges and toss the ashes in an instant, leaving nothing but a hollow and empty place in your heart, which hurts even more.

I knocked on his door, "Aaron? May I come in?"

The door swung open with the help of wandless magic, revealing the chaos of the room. There were boxes and huge piles of books, clothes and some other stuff everywhere. And then there was Aaron - now the complete opposite of his true nature. He was grumpier than ever, clearly being mad at something.

"Aaron," I said carefully, "what happened?"

"Nothing" he mumbled without glancing at me as he packed.

And this is where nonverbal guilt-tripping took over.

"I am sorry if I made you upset somehow," I mumbled, putting some of the clothes on his bed aside and having a sit.

"It's okay," he said sternly, causing me to flinch. "You did nothing."

"But there is something, Aaron!" I slightly raised my voice but quickly regained control over myself. "Talk to me, please. If I did something to upset you, just tell me what it was and how I can make it up to you."

"For fuck's sake," he groaned, dropping the box and running his fingers through his hair in frustration, "will you ever accept the fact that the world does not revolve around you?"

"What?" I half-whispered, confused even more. "Aaron, what on earth are you talking about?"

When he ignored my question, carrying on with packing up, I started to feel my blood boil in my veins.

"You have been avoiding me all day!" I shouted, not being able to keep it quiet anymore. "You talked to everyone but me! What the fuck did I do to you?!"

"First things first," he raised his voice as well, "I only talked to Jasper. Since when talking to him equals to talking to the entire school?"

He tossed yet another box aside with such force that I'm sure the contents barely survived. He then sighed deeply, "Even if I told you how I feel and why I feel this way, you wouldn't really care. And you'd rather spend your time with others than with me. So, what's the point?"

I was stunned. I felt like Gryffindor's sword stabbed me and sliced my heart in half. I had never been so hurt and offended at the same time until now.

You wouldn't really care.

This was my last straw. I've had enough.

I stood up, took a deep breath and said as coldly as possible, "It seems you have known me wrong then. Because, when I befriend someone, I care about them more than anything. Why would I be going insane all this day otherwise if I didn't care about our friendship?"

I passed by him, placing my hand on the door hand, "But, I understand. Good luck with the rest of your life."

He didn't say a word. I left his dorm.

And I am genuinely sorry for what happened next.

"Fuck you, Aaron!" I yelled as I broke the door, got back inside and sent a hex I am sure I've never learnt before, let alone wandlessly.

Aaron got stunned and collapsed on the floor.

I froze in shock right in front of him.

Holy crap.
———
Author's note:
Never thought I'd lose someone after I turned 18.