Don't let go- Tarlos

Better

They get TK up a little bit, then taking of the straps of the brace and disconnecting the tube from his throat, they take of the brace and finally connect the tube again.
I rubbed TK's hand trough all the process, he just closed his eyes.

"Ok, there it is"says the doctor "how does it feels Tyler?"

TK opens his eyes and gives a thumbs up

"Ok, good, can you do this" he says as he moves his head like saying no
TK does it, Barely. But I'm so so proud.

"Good Tyler, now can you go like this?" The doctor says as he moves his head like saying yes

TK tries to lift his head but not much

"Good, you did really good, Congratulations" the doctor says to TK even though I can see my lover face and he's not felling great.
And I have to remember myself

~Small steps~

"Thank you doctor" I say instead

"Don't worry about it, I'll leave you two to rest, and we'll discuss the next steps later, maybe he can go home soon" he says patting my arm.

What he says surprised me.

HOME

"What about his breathing?" I ask

"The test show us that the swelling is decreasing, so maybe in a few days we can take out the tube" he explains

"That's, that's amazing"

"Now get some rest, both of you"

"We will"

He leaves the room and we're alone again

"Baby, I'm so proud of you, you know?" I say while I kiss his head.

He then reaches for his neck, feeling it.

"Does it feel weird?"

He nods, HE NODS

"You nodded" I laughed, feeling so happy

He laughs a little bit too.

After chatting for some time he gets asleep, so I get up to the bathroom, a dizzy feeling hitting me, it's been happening very often, when I get up, when i duck or any sudden movement, but never this strong.

I sit back again for a minute, maybe all the emotion, have I've been drinking water?, it's normal.

After a few minutes I get up again and I'm ok, so yeah maybe it was all the emotions.

TK POV

I've been feeling better, without the neck brace, I'm comfortable, well I think, I don't even know what that's like anymore.

The tube in my throat, hurts more because I can finally move my neck. I'm not felling great but is an improvement.

We'll at least physically, I sleep almost all the time, I'm super useless, I can't do anything without help, lifting my head drains my energy, my thoughts are not good, I know I should talk about it with someone but everyone is so worry about me all the time and I don't want to tell them that I can't stop thinking about my sobriety, all the opioids my body has been receiving for the last month, it feels good, easy. Of course it helps with the pain and the panic attacks but it just feels so familiar that I am disgusted of myself. 

All we had planned is far gone, the wedding, and the trips, everything just gone. I can't get rid of the thought that this is all my fault.

I gotta say that I hate all the help I need, the way everyone sees me, I hate the way Carlos is not taking care of himself.