Some Things Are Just Hard To End

Hard To End 100

"lander...stop reading my journal will you?" Natalia groaned beside me as she pull up her duvet up to her head.

"Can't help it..."  I kissed her forehead and opened her windows, the cherry patterns made the shadows near her bed more like polka dots. the sun is already rising and the rays are getting hotter but she's still in her bed. 

"Your mom will visit you later?" I asked and joined her again on her bed.

"Yup. oh my gosh... I have to get up and clean the house."

she groaned and left me. directly going inside the bathroom and locked herself up. knowing her, nahihiya lang siya dahil magulo pa ang buhok at ayaw niya na humarap saakin tuwing bagong gising. but today is different! kung nagsabi siya na hindi pa niya kayang tumayo ay ako na mismo ang magsisilipilyo sa kanya.

she's been sick for two days at malapit na ang enrollment. she's stressed about it too. 

 her parents are in the province because of her dad's work, babalik ang mommy niya mamaya to check up on her. napangiti ako. instead of waiting for her, I went down and re-heat the food the housemaid made.

today will be a busy one. some of her friends will visit too kaya namalengke ang kasambahay nila.

"Quinlan?" iIheard her languidly walk down.

Her curls bounced everywhere and her eyes are still a bit puffy, too pretty in the morning and I can't help but have a teasing smile she only responded with a glare though, and put her hands inside my hoody that she forgot to give back last week. paborito ko pa naman iyon dahil makapal. hindi ko nalang sinabi dahil baka ma guilty, i like her wearing my stuff. it only reminds me that she's mine and somehow it brings peace to me.

"Nag reheat lang ako ng pagkain, let's eat." i kissed head and pull a chair for her. we both ate in silence and cleaned after, well mostly ako lang dahil hindi ko naman hahayaan na maghugas siya ng plato. after that, we spent time watching movie inside her room again.

to be honest, i want  to convince her na mag pa-check-up na but she's stubborn enough not to, ayaw kong pilitin kaya naman tinawagan ko nalang ang mommy niya nakaraan. she thought na kasambahay ang nagbalita sa mommy niya na may sakit siya kaya hindi na siya nagtaka na uuwi ito.

I was holding her journal again reading some of her entries. I can't get enough of her words. every time I scroll down my social media and check pressed Word's account  I still can't believe that all those small arts and poems are for me. 

it was overwhelming really. no words can describe what I felt after I found out. I lost my voice, I almost lost my sanity too.

"Stop Reading my journal! quinlan..." she groaned beside me. pinulupot ko lang ang aking mga braso sa bewang niya ang hinila siya palapit. 

"I'm Annotating it."

"Why? "

"So I could share my thoughts and what I felt that time... during your entries here. I remember all of these Natalia." her eyes went to my hand holding a pencil, brows furrowed and eyes screaming confusion.

I can't help but look into her soul and wish that my eyes speak the same as hers. I wish that she can also read my soul and speak to me through my eyes. I wish she could see it through me and believe that I was there because that is the truth. 

I was there when she was not looking. I was there when she was smiling at her friends. I was there when she was looking at me and pretends to look somewhere when I caught her. 

"Let's immortalize our memories together. let me share my point of view. I already know about you, aren't you curious about what I wrote?"

her lips protrude a bit, i chuckled and read a passage from what i wrote in her journal.

"I broke Apollo's pants after I pulled it down and he had to walk back home with a loose garter and missing buttons."

we both laugh at that. I was smiling wide and I felt her lips on mine. 

"Love You." 

I groaned before pulling her closer to me like her resting her head on my chest is not enough. 

"Ang random mo naman, nakakainis." 

nahigit noon ang hininga ko. I know what to answer but it seems like every time Natalia is straight forward I always lost words and tend to just shut down. instead of saying it back, I grab her hands palm facing me, and write down my words.

love you 2 

well, I guess some things are just hard to end.