In The Midst Of Serendipity

|Chapter 40| A New Beginning

"I thought you might be hungry. You should eat."

I uncovered the plate to found sandwich there. I looked up before asking him

"Aren't you going to eat?"

He shook his head in negative. I felt bad for him. He had to leave his family because of me. I placed my hand atop his before speaking through my heart

"I'm so sorry. Because of me you had to leave your family."

He immediately looked up at me. My guilt further intensified. Families are a blessing and I hated myself that I was the reason he became far from them. But his next words made a difference

"It's not your fault. They were at wrong."

His voice was free of emotion. It's like he's speaking the universal truth. But still the gnawing feeling didn't leave my heart. I sighed before again speaking

"But they're still your family. Families are blessings, Zain. You're lucky you still have a family. Many people doesn't even have someone waiting for them at home."

My eyes welled up with tears remembering khala. It's so heart breaking how in a moment, our loved ones left us alone in the world. We can't do anything. We can't stop death. It's inevitable.

Shah Zain's voice brought me out of my trance

"No Shiza. Families are also supporting. They don't their son's wife like a maid."

His eyes held the anger probably remembering the commotion. I chose to remain silent. Maybe, it's good if he lets it all out. It will ease his burning emotions. He took a deep breath before I gave his hand a gentle squeeze.

He sighed before continuing

"I felt so bad. I felt self-loathing remembering how I treated you. I accused you. I called you a thief when in reality, you were far from it. You are the innocent and purest human being I've ever saw. Even with my outrageous and unnecessarily stupid behavior with you, you were always talking all smiling with me.

You never once insult me or my family. My family kept taunting you, degrading you and humiliating you and I never took stand for you. Just remembering those stuffs made me want to dig a hole and bury myself.

I did so wrong with you. I shouldn't have done all those things. I'm really sorry Shiza. I don't know how to confess it in words. But I am deeply ashamed for my behavior towards you. You don't deserved such a disgusting, stupid and mannerless husband. You deserved someone who could value you. Who will cherish you and will never let anyone belittle you.

You don't deserve a coward like me. I can't even provide you with a secure environment, how can you be able to live the rest of your life with me? I'm not a good husband. I never once was.."

He didn't once look at me over his whole speech. Maybe, he's trying to avoid eye contact. I still didn't say anything. If we're starting anew than all there should be no barrier between us. We should clear out our feelings, emotions and all the words we never got the chance to speak. I want to start fresh with no past barrier stopping us.

He finally looked up at me before saying

"Please forgive me. Everything I've done, I'm really ashamed and all I'm asking is for forgiveness. I will not mind if you don't want to forgive me. But I'll do anything for you to forgive me. I will understand if you don't want to live with me anymore. Of course, no one would like a disgusting husband like me..."

That was my cue to stop his chanter and spoke

"No, Shah Zain. Stop patrionizing yourself. You are not a disgusting husband. We are humans and we all did mistakes. You didn't know about the truth back before. But now you know and you did what was right. You took stand for me when no one believed me. You aid me when I was hurt. You never left my side when I was grieving. If that's not what good husbands do than I don't know how to describe a good husband."