The Dating Game

FORTY-TWO

"I know, but if I just would've—"

"That doesn't matter now. What matters is that he's gone and he's not coming back. We're safe, we're together, and we're surviving. That's what matters." She scoffs but I continue. "I see how hard you've been working, and I am eternally grateful for everything you're doing to keep us afloat, but you know I am more than willing to pick up a job to help out."

"I couldn't ask you to do that," she says. "Especially not after you just coughed up five hundred dollars last time."

The mere mention of the prize money hits me like a stab in the heart, but this isn't about me right now. For once, my mom needs me more than I need her, and I'm not going to let her suffer in silence anymore.

"I would do anything for this family," I tell her. "Even if it means making sacrifices."

Like having to pretend I'm not still crazy about Chase Matthews.

After a while, Mom calms down and asks me to put the groceries away. She says she's tired and is heading to bed early and I tell her that's probably a good idea, but I know she's not healed. She won't be healed for a long, long time, but at least the process is starting.

After the groceries are put away, I start doing some homework in my room as I talk to Isaac over the phone, getting the latest gossip on his friends and new boyfriend. Apparently, his name is Forest and he's a ten—Isaac's words, not mine. But listening to him talk about how much he likes this guy just rubs salt into the wound of Chase being out of my life and my eyes wander over a picture in my camera roll. I almost forgot that we even took it; it feels like so long ago at this point.

It's a selfie of Chase and me on our first "date." He's got a spaghetti sauce mustache and I look like I want to punch him, which sounds pretty accurate for the time. But there's an undeniable honesty in the picture that catches me off guard and I can't help but smile. When I turn to the next picture, though, it's one I don't remember seeing at all.

It's a picture of me on the couch, staring at the TV screen. It's nothing impressive—just me relaxing and not paying attention—but it's clear that Chase took the picture. When did he take that? Why didn't I notice?

I spend the next hour and a half scrolling through my camera roll instead of doing homework when I start to feel sleepy. And before I know it, I'm cozied up in bed, dozing off.

Wednesday, February 28th

I wake up feeling actually kind of refreshed in the morning. Something about being able to talk to Mom after what seemed like ages makes me feel energized, and somehow looking at those pictures left me with a sense of closure that I'd been searching for this whole time.

I'm finally able to appreciate the time Chase and I spent together without being devastated that it's come to an end, and I'm so happy about that.

I make my way to school with the tiniest pep in my step, just enough to make me feel ready for the day, and I even get stopped by Shelby Frost to be complimented on my outfit. It's not anything fancy—just some jeans and an oversized sweatshirt, but it gives me another confidence boost that I've been needing so desperately recently.

The day zooms by without a flaw, other than when I saw Miles at his old table during lunch. But some of the kids in our Calculus class asked me to sit with them, so I didn't have to be alone anymore.

And now that the last bell just finished ringing, I'm grabbing my things out of my locker and starting to head home, until I realize I forgot my headphones in my classroom.