Tenses | LRH

Over and Over

MY HEART has never felt so void before. I felt so lonely and incomplete like the night's starless sky.

I sat down on the pavement outside the house, still holding onto Andi's hand. I remained silent, contemplating on my thoughts.

"Please tell me," I whispered carefully. "Who are you?"

"Uh, I'm Andi?" I could tell that she was supressing a laugh. What, was this all fun and games for her?

I sighed and pinched the bridge of my nose. "I know that," I snapped at her even though I did not mean to. "Who is the real you, Andi? I know that you like travelling a lot and that you have a very cool name, but other than that, I don't really know you. Who's Ace? Why did you hug him earlier?" My eyes widened and I groaned at myself for letting the last one slip out of my mouth.

Andi avoided having eye contact with me. Great, I just made things awkward between us. Perhaps I was overacting. We weren't even something to start with, so why was I hurting so much?

"Luke," she started slowly, "I don't know why you're feeling this way – "

"Me, too, Andi. Me, too," I told her, not containing my feelings anymore. I was so devastated and confused at the same time.

Andi looked down at her hands that were clasped tightly together. "Luke, I'm sorry for making you feel this way. I never meant to hurt you. And about Ace." She paused and took a deep breath. "He's my long lost brother."

Guilt flooded my mind. I felt stupid for feeling envious of Ace in the first place. I groaned and tugged on my hair in annoyance. "I'm so sorry. I'm so stupid."

Andi reached for my hands to stop me from hurting myself even more. "Stop that," she scolded me and put my hands down. "It's okay. I understand."

"I feel so stupid," I groaned again, but I felt more relieved. I slung one arm around her shoulders when she leaned in and a comfortable silence engulfed us.

"I was three years old when he got lost," Andi continued after a while. I looked her and her eyes were distant like the sky.

"That's such a long time," I mumbled.

She nodded and looked at me, smiling. "I know. That's why I went here; I was searching for him."

"And now you found him," I told her. I smiled at her, too, because her smile was just so contagious. My hand absentmindedly reached for her face and my fingers traced her temple down to her jawline.

She is so lovely.

Andi looked down and snuggled in my body while I wrapped my arms around her, protecting her from the cold. I could feel the rapid beating of my heart and the intense sensation flowing through my veins with my bloodstream. I had never felt this way before and I felt so alive.

"Luke, where do you live?" Andi suddenly spoke, her voice muffled by my shirt.

My mind flashed back to the year 2000. My mom was surely worrying about me, and I had not even thought of her until now. I felt home sick, and the sudden urge to come back home crept on me. But I needed more time.

I sighed and rested my head on top of hers. "Just like you," I said, closing my eyes. "I'm from somewhere far away from here."

"Where is somewhere?" Andi tried to raise her head but I tightened my embrace around her so she would stay still.

"I'll tell you about it some other time. Right now I'm so tired," I said in an attempt to change the topic.

She was unconvinced and stubborn. "Really?"

"Really," I confirmed, a goofy smile plastered on my face. I yawned. "See?"

"I don't believe you," she said. "You're weird."

"You're weird, too," I retorted. But I like you.

She scoffed and said nothing after that. I bet she was sleepy, too.

"Should we go back inside?"

"No," I said, still wanting to stay like this. "But if you want to go back, then just tell."

"No," she whispered. "This is fine."

"There's an airplane," I stated as I looked at the sky and admired the flying object.

"Oh? I've never rode one," she uttered so softly against my chest.

"Sometimes I pretend that airplanes are shooting stars, just so I can make a wish," I admitted sheepishly.

She snorted in an unladylike manner. "You're such a dork."

"I know," I whispered as my eyes followed the plane until it got lost in the darkness and became invisible to my sight.

"I miss home," I said after a long while of stillness and hung my head low.

Andi let out a moan and her breathing became steady. She must be asleep. I positioned her head on my lap carefully, making sure that she would not wake up. She looked so perfect even as she slept, her long eyelashes kissing the bags under her eyes and her lips slightly apart as soft snores came out of them.

I leaned down and kissed her on her forehead, whispering the word goodnight against her skin.

The truth is, I needed neither an airplane nor a shooting star; I already found my wish.