Made for me

Chapter 16

I was anxiously waiting for the meeting between Yubin and Zhan to end because I really wanted to talk to him. I was feeling bad about my actions and really wanted to clear things up.

Finally, I heard the door open and quickly ran to Zhan's door.

Yubin was not expecting me to be standing at the door, so he was looking at me with a questioning look.

"Don't mind me. I have something I want to say to Zhan if he will let me."

I couldn't read Zhan's face at all. He had a blank look on his face. Tired, maybe?

Of course, my brother had to cut in.

"Yes, yes, you two go talk. I will gladly see Yubin out."

"Ah, OK, but I can see myself out. There is no need to walk me out."

"I insist, let's go. I think we are in their way."

Poor Yubin, I am sure he thinks we have all lost out minds or that Zhan lives with weirdos.

Xian dragged Yubin towards him and out the door.

"Can I please talk to you. I am not going on to be making excuses for my behavior, but I think if you know the full story, you might give me grace."

"You have 30 min to say all you need to say. Not because I don't want to talk to you, but because I need to type out what Yubin and I spoke about before I forget."

"Fair enough, can I come inside, or would you rather talk out here?"

"Out here is fine."

I could tell the aura of "hurry up and say what you need to say" all around Zhan.

So I started talking. Telling him everything my brother and I spoke about. What it might mean to be in a relationship with me. All my fears and just how scared I am about the unknown.

He listened in silence, and when I was done, he reached for me and gave me a hug. A long silence hug.

I was happy with the touch because I know that is how Zhan gives love. So him touching me meant he wasn't as angry as he was earlier.

"I can see how you have fears. To be honest, I am a bit afraid too. I am not even sure how to respond to all that information. I think We just need to take it one day at a time and not focus on things that may or may not happen. Right now, we love each other. Right now, we want to be together, and right now, we have each other. So let's figure things out slowly and carefully, ok?"

"How are you so calm about all this, especially about what my brother is suspecting our parents of? I hope you ae not regretting being with me."

"Come inside, let talk in here."

He pulled my hand and sat me on the bed.

"I am not calm, I am actually panicking, trying to figure out what I will do if i was ever faced with choosing to die if I stay with you. To me, both outcomes would represent a type of death. Being without you would kill me inside, and I don't know what I would do with the pain. Maybe physical death might actually be the better option. I have hope that we will come up with a solution, so while we have these moments of peace, let's love each other well so that when the day comes to choose. The choice would be obvious to both of us without doubt."

"I just want to be with you. Is that too much to ask?"

"No, it's not, but the world we live in isn't hat accommodating. So we have to do our best."

"I love you Zhan, everyday all day, I love you. I am truly sorry for hurting you and expecting you to just understand. I will think of a solution because losing you is not an option."