Evelyn's Tale

-Thirty Nine-

"Cheating on Lieb already, Ev?" he smirked, kissing her cheek loudly before helping her sit down on the seat beside him. "I am irresistible though so no one could fault you for it. I'm guessing the hubby didn't tickle your pickle for you last night?"

"I am not talking about this with you, you psychopath," Evelyn blushed, scowling at Joe when he chuckled at her embarrassment.

"Hey, all married couples struggle in the bedroom department sometimes," George grinned. "Not usually after two weeks of marriage mind you, but we won't judge, will we fellas? In fact, it helps to talk about it. Tell us what's not working for you and we can give Lieb some pointers. Or is it a stamina issue? Because if that's the case then I'm not sure we can do much there to help, but perhaps Liebgott'll let one of step in and fulfill your hungry desires for you if he's not up to it?"

"George."

"What? Ev, you're my best friend," he exclaimed. "I'm only doing what any true friend would do. You know, Perco might be small but I've heard on the grapevine that he can go all night so maybe you, him and Liebgott can enjoy a little menagerie a trois, huh?"

"It's menage a trois, you dumbass. A menagerie is something to do with birds."

"Oh you hear this Liebgott? Your wife is talking about threesomes," George chortled.

"Shut your mouth Goerge. And the rest of you, zip it," Evelyn warned. "I've got Toye's brass knuckles and I'm not afraid to use them."

"Ev, that would be scary if it was anyone else," Liebgott teased, earning himself a kick in the leg. "But seriously guys, shut the fuck up 'cause otherwise it's me who'll be getting the earful later."

"Aw isn't that precious," George commented. "Remind me never to get married."

"No one'll fucking have you," Perconte muttered. "So there's no need to worry about that."

As George started reciting a very long and thorough list of reasons why he was most definitely in fact marriage material, Evelyn started up a conversation with Malarkey who was sitting across the way from her. He looked to be getting a little better after everything he had been through losing Skip, Penkala and Buck. He had colour in his cheeks and his eyes had regained some of their sparkle. They talked about his plans when they returned home and they talked about her childhood with Bill. Malarkey also thoroughly enjoyed embarrassing Evelyn by telling her some of the stories Bill had told him about her during their training.

"I can't believe he told you that one," Evelyn groaned. "You know, in my defence I was only three and I really thought that it was apple juice."

"And the fact it was in a chamber pot didn't cross your mind?" Malarkey guffawed.

"No," she snorted. "Like I said, I was three. And my brother is an absolute bastard for telling you that story. Remind me to smack him when I see him."

"With pleasure," Malarkey smiled. "Would it make you feel better if I told you something he told me about when he first tried to ask Frannie out?"

"You mean the time he got drunk and decided to ask her out on a date and slipped on black ice and smashed one side of his face in?"

"Oh no, that's not the real story, Ev," Don scoffed. "That's just the one he tells you all so he doesn't look like an idiot. No, the actual truth is that..."

Evelyn was literally howling by the end of Malarkey's animated story, and they were so engrossed in their conversation they weren't really paying attention to the German army marching beside them in defeat until they heard Webster shouting.

"Hey you! That's right, you stupid Kraut bastards! That's right! Say hello to Ford, and General fucking Motors! You stupid fascist pigs! Look at you! You have horses. What were you thinking?"