Evelyn's Tale

-Twenty Eight-

It seemed ludicrous to say that Evelyn had seen worse wounds during this war. But that was the truth. They had all seen worse. But as she watched her brother writhing in agony on the cold snowy ground, she had never seen anything so horrific in all her life. She felt numb. No matter how hard she wanted them to, her eyes wouldn't leave the severed stump that remained of Bill's leg; tendon's quivering as they remained attached.

Eugene was on his knees working on him, and in her periphery she saw Joe Toye lying close to Bill. She was vaguely aware of the fact that he had suffered the same fate, yet all she could think about- all she cared about- was her brother. She blinked. This was a dream. It had to be. Like one of those nightmares that used to plague her sleep after Henry died. She blinked again. She was still frozen to the spot, watching but not really seeing. Listening to the chaos around her but not actually hearing. Somebody appeared beside her- Malarkey maybe? He spoke to her. Perhaps he asked if she was alright. She didn't know. All she could focus on was the crimson carpet of blood that her brother lay on. Perhaps if she had been in the right frame of mind, she would have been thankful that all her brother had lost was his leg and not his life. But at that moment, it felt like she had lost him. A jeep arrived, and they loaded Bill onto a stretcher. He said something to Toye, but she didn't really hear what. She couldn't hear anything other than the swishing noise in her ears.

When her brother called out her name, her heavy legs moved of their own volition until she was able to take hold of the outstretched hand reaching for her. He smiled reassuringly at her, ever the older brother taking care to be strong for his younger sibling. She wanted to be the stronger one. She wanted to be the one reassuring him. When Bill spoke to her, she squinted, trying to take in what he was saying. She couldn't even say it went in one ear and out of the other, because the truth was that it just didn't go in at all. The feel of his rough, calloused hand was the only thing she could think about. It was the only thing that felt real.

When Bill told her that he loved her and that he would see her soon, she knew that she repeated his sentiments, but she had no idea how. Her body was just doing things of its own accord while her head was spinning like she was on a carousel. The jeep began to move away, and she felt herself begin to run. She couldn't let go of her brother's hand. She wouldn't. In her warped mind, if she let go of his hand then she was letting go of him forever. In her warped mind, she couldn't process the fact that she would see him again once this was all over. All she could think about was the complications from his wound. The freezing cold had served a purpose and stopped the bleeding almost straight away, and sort of cauterised the stump of his leg. But in her head, all she could see was her brother lying on a bed, alone and bleeding to death. The jeep was speeding up and she couldn't keep up. She felt her brother's hand slipping out of her own. She couldn't breathe.

Must. Not. Let. Go.

As the jeep disappeared through the trees, she collapsed to her knees and retched. The almost empty contents of her stomach came pouring out onto the ground with a splatter. The bile burnt her throat, but she was kind of grateful for it. She wanted to feel it. Something. Anything that wasn't the feeling of utter helplessness inside her. She wanted to scream. She wanted to claw her eyes out and unsee that which she had just witnessed. She wanted her brother. She needed to be with him more than she had ever needed to in her entire life. He couldn't leave her here all on her own. How was she supposed to do this without him? All those times she had shouted at him and complained that he never left her alone to be a grown up, she now craved that desperately.

"Ssh come on," a familiar voice comforted her as she vomited again.

She shook at her head the canteen of water thrust in front of her face, but a hand cupped the back of her head and forced it to her lips. Reluctantly, she took a long swig. The ice cold water made her head hurt so much that she wanted to cry out in agony. But instead she kept silent, wishing that the pain would never stop. At least it would replace the pain she felt when she thought of Bill.