Gracious

Chapter 29

"I'm sorry", he whispered, sniffing again, "I just don't know what to do Zane".

"And that's why we're gonna take it one day at a time, yeah?", I pulled us apart and wiped his cheeks with my thumbs, looking at him now he looked like the little boy I used to shield from our father, "you can cry, you can scream, you can hit me, you can go completely mute- you do whatever feels right".

"Nothing feels right, not anymore", he groaned, tugging at his hair slightly, "and Theo won't even talk to me, not out loud anyway".

"And you know better than anyone that Theo needs patience, probably now more than ever", I cupped his chin in my hand and glanced over my shoulder, "you need to eat something". He clenched his jaw and shook his head ever so slightly, focusing his gaze on his lap instead.

"Not hungry", he mumbled as I picked up the plate, placing it between us, "Zane-,".

"You haven't eaten since this time yesterday", I told him quietly, "I'm not saying eat it all, and you know I won't force you, but even if it's just a little bit?". He stared at the plate for a moment or two before settling on an almost missable nod, picking up the fork with a trembling hand and taking a small mouthful.

"Are they okay?", he asked, his gaze flickering to the door, "they've gotta be upset too".

"They are, but they'll be okay", I promised, "we all will".

"I don't know about that", he muttered, taking another small bite and chewing slowly; I just kept rubbing small circles on his shoulder, letting my fingers tame his hair every now and then, knowing he needed the physical comfort.

"I'm so proud of you", I practically whispered, "I love you with my whole entire being, don't ever forget that".

He just nodded, his chin trembling and facial expression wavering as he placed the fork back down onto the plate, covering his eyes with his hands as he began to cry again. I jumped to it, moving the food out of the way and hugging him against me yet again, I'd rather he cried it all out than kept it bottled in anyway.

"I don't know what to do Zane", he clung onto me, "I don't know what to do".

"I know, it's okay", I wrapped my arms around him, "it's okay if you don't know what to do, if you're not okay, you're grieving Caleb".

"I don't want this", he shook his head, "I wanna see him again".

"I know you do", I rubbed his back in small circles, "and I'm so sorry that this is happening to you right now". I glanced up when the door knocked before opening ever so slightly, the blonde head of our fifteen year old brother filling the gap.

"Can I come in?", Chase asked quietly, I cocked my head and he slid inside, closing it back behind him and approaching Caleb slowly, wrapping his arms around him from behind. Caleb only cried harder, loosening his grip on me and clinging onto Chase's hands, holding them against his forehead as he shook with sobs.

It was no secret that Chase and Caleb were closest to each other, so watching the former comfort the latter only signified their bond to me; Chase had been nothing but a godsend to our brother these past few days.

"It's okay", he whispered to Caleb, I turned away and wiped a tear of my own, "it's okay".

"It's not okay", he shook his head, keeping Chase's hands on his forehead, "I'm not okay".

"I know", Chase whispered, "nobody's expecting you to be".

"I wanna go see Theo", Caleb told me, "I need to see him Zane". I wasn't gonna be the one to keep them apart, especially now.