Gracious

Chapter 10

A/N - surprise 🫶🏾

I loveee seeing people reading Isabella for the first time/ re-reading 😭

TW - upsetting scenes this chapter (when aren't there❤️)

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It was all officially becoming too much.

It was finally sinking in that this wasn't just some temporary thing, I would have to wake up and look after my brothers, make sure they got to school, make sure they were okay, for years.

There wasn't any room for myself in that equation, it was all about them.

And while it physically hurt that I couldn't have a life beyond being a parent and older brother, I didn't have any other choice, any other way out.

I wondered what my life would be like, had my cards been dealt differently.

"Okay Xander, we don't want this to be intimidating, think of it as a normal conversation hm?", I crossed one leg over the other, fiddling with the drawstrings on my joggers; I doubted turning up to Alexander's first meeting with his new psychologist in a suit would make me look normal.

"I'm not intimidated", my brother folded his arms, sinking back further into the sofa and glancing around the room- this was probably Xavier's dream: all of the toys, the hammock, the space...Alexander looked like he'd rather watch paint dry.

"I'm glad", the lady opposite us, whose name was Wren, chuckled as she placed the notepad she was previously holding onto the table that separated us, "I'm gonna ask your brother a few questions first, if you wanna take a look around the room you're more than welcome". I watched him shift in his seat to my right out of the corner of my eye before he surprised me by standing slowly, apprehensively beginning to approach the hammock before getting distracted by something else that I couldn't see.

"He uh, doesn't really play with toys", I muttered, fiddling with my shaky fingers, "I'm surprised he got up". Wren just smiled, glancing over at my brother before focusing on me and only me- why did it feel like I was the one in therapy right now?

"I'm sure he'll find something to keep him entertained", she chuckled, "I just want to ask a few questions about your family and home life- you don't have to tell me anything you don't want to".

"But the more I tell you, the more it'll help him right?", her silence was my answer, "what did you wanna know?".

It'd been a week since the twins' fight, a week since they'd spoken, and a week since Xavier had officially moved into a spare room, claiming if I didn't do anything about it then he would. I'd found a child psychologist who appeared to be the best of the best and scheduled an appointment as soon as possible, eager to get my youngest brother the extra help he so clearly needed.

"Xander's medical history, what can you tell me about that?", I uncrossed my legs and bounced them, eager to just get out of here and drink a coffee.

"Nothing", I shrugged helplessly, "he doesn't have any diagnosis or anything".

"Okay, that's fine", she nodded, rolling the sleeves of her white shirt slightly, "your home life, talk to me about that, what's it like?".

Draining, chaotic, broken.

"Better...now that I have custody of all five of my brothers", I fiddled with my sleeves, feeling like a child sitting here- god I felt so small, "it doesn't take a genius to see that our parents were shit- sorry".

"You can say whatever you like", she cast her gaze over to Alexander who was doing a...puzzle?, "can you tell me anything about them?".

Invisible hands tightened around my throat, every inhale becoming harder and harder as my vision began to blur- get a hold on yourself Zane.