give me back my girlhood

The affect on me

I didn't truly realise how much the SA had affected me until I started college. I had to use public transport, which I had never had to do before.

I very quickly realised that buses terrified me, especially having to sit next to someone. If my 'girlfriend' would do that to me, why wouldn't one of my friends? Or a complete stranger?

I would have panic attacks and anxiety attacks just from my own friends sitting too close to me. I hated how Tali had ruined something so normal to everyone else, while I would be a wreck.

I have trouble trusting everyone, adults and young adults, as well as other children when I was still a child. Especially new partners when dating,as a rule, I try to tell them about my SA once we're comfortable with one another, so they can understand that I'm not always comfortable with being touched or kissed.

I lost all my confidence in myself and in my education. I went from being a high B grade or A grade student, to hardly making a D grade in most of my subjects. I was already introverted before my SA, but I became even more shy, I never asked a teacher for help. I'd rather be sitting their struggling than asking for help.

I wish someone had noticed my change in behaviour, maybe then I would've told someone early and gotten justice. Maybe I would've spoken to someone and not struggle for years without anyone knowing why.