Deewana

Chapter 3: Thoughts

She thought about the offer he had made. What did he mean? Is he looking for more than a friendship? Of course, he is dumbo! You heard the way he was talking. He was saying everything you hoped Vaansh would say to you. But he never did. And here Aarav was-

"Muskaan!"

The sweet girl shook out of her thoughts as her sister called her name. She looked up at her sister with a shy smile on her face. Meera, lightly frowned at her sister before giving her a kiss on the forehead.

"Pagal ladki. Kahan kho gayi?" (Silly girl. Where are you lost?)

Muskaan gave her sister a timid smile before shaking her head. Meera again shook her head before giving her little sister an instruction.

Once Meera was out of sight, Muskaan started to sort out the sweets on a tray. As she was sorting the sweets out, she gazed at the couple sitting a little further away, after finding out they were expecting, Rohan was glued to his wife. Muskaan gazed at Chhaya as she nuzzled her face in her husband's chest, something bubbled inside of her as she noticed the peace on Chhaya's face. Her calm and even breathing, her soft clutch on her husband's shirt and the sweet, peaceful smile covering her face. She never felt like that with Vaansh. With Vaansh it was always either hyperexcitement or total disappointment. She was always on edge. 

On the other hand, Aarav was gazing at Rohan. He gazed at the arms wrapped around the pregnant woman, the gentle smile on the soon-to-be father's face, and the soft giggles coming from the two as they whispered sweet nothings to each other. This is what he wanted. It took his life from him fighting the battle within himself. He promised his love that he wouldn't pressure her, and in his heart, he knew that if he looked her way with his emotions reflecting in his eyes it would in some way pressure her soft heart. He didn't want that, he wanted the decision to come from her heart and not from any other influence, not even him.

Muskaan's eye wandered to the little kids playing and giggling with each other before moving on to the man she couldn't stop comparing her now ex to. She saw him clench and unclench his jaw as if he was trying to stop himself from doing something. She also noticed how he was staring off into space. She had a feeling that it was because of their conversation from this morning. She gazed at him, slowly coming to the realisation that she wasn't frantic about their conversation. She knew that no matter what her answer would be he would still always be there for her. Like he always had, in every foolish decision of hers. She noticed his face wasn't tense like it is when she was around Vaansh. She noticed that she wasn't smiling, but she also wasn't frowning. She noticed that she was natural. And she felt comfortable with that. She liked the fact that Aarav had given her some time to think through her emotions, unlike Vaansh who would pressurise her and how he snapped when she said no to something that was crossing her boundaries. 

She knew she wasn't ready to jump into another relationship, she was broken, and her heart was stinging with pain at the idea that what she thought would be forever turned out to be only temporary. She couldn't bare the thought of her already broken heart crumbing even further. She needed time to heal. By herself. That's the least she owed herself. 

However, she was ready to strike a deal. She was ready to at least turn in the direction that lead to Aarav. And maybe, when she would be ready, he could help navigate her to him. Over time. Slowly. Getting up from where she was sitting, she walked over to the man who was turned away. Seeing Muskaan move towards Aarav, Chhaya gently scurried the kids inside, Rohan gave Muskaan a gentle squeeze and whispered a reassurance in her ear.

"If you ever need a brother, and are too scared to ask Virat bhai, Shourya or Meera, then remember you'll always have me."

Muskaan smiled at him before Rohan walked away, leaving the two alone. The sweet girl sat in front of Aarav.

"Aarav."

The man looked down but nodded his head. Muskaan knew that only meant one thing. He was scared of what he was about to hear. So she gently held the side of his face, turning it up so she could see. Something she always did in response.

"I'm not ready for anything yet."
"I'm not asking you to be."
"I might take a long time."
"I'll wait an eternity for you."

Muskaan's breath hitched at that.

"But I'm ready to at least look away from the path I just turned back from. And I'm ready to turn in your direction. That's all I can do right now. You don't deserve a broken girl. Let me heal first. But promise you'll wait for me."

"You're not broken, and I waited my whole life. I watched you walk down the path leading away from me with a smile on my face. I'll watch you walk back and come closer to me with a smile on my face. As long as you're smiling too."

With the promise of a smile, the two shed sweet tears. They gazed at each other, Aarav's hands in his lap, knowing if he made a move to touch her, he'd get ahead of himself. Muskaan's cupping his face, so that his tears aren't disrespected by hitting the dirty ground.

Hey! I know I've made you guys wait 10 days for an update and I'm so sorry for that! And I saw all the DMs and replies on my insta stories throughout the 10 days, and I was so overwhelmed by it all. I wish I could have updated sooner, but I did have a thesis to complete. Now that is finished so I can dedicate a little bit more time to writing. However, guys, I do request that you be patient. Because I do work full time and am still a university student. I do this to relax and escape my other responsibilities, but sometimes the comments on the reels or posts and then replies on my stories or messages here or even in my DMs get stressful. And then when I sit down to write, I feel under pressure, which leads to not up to standard writing and is no longer enjoyable for me and doesn't help me relax.

I appreciate the eagerness, but please be considerate of my other commitments that are actually paying all my bills. Also side note - when you do msg or dm please be mindful of how you phrase yourself, some msgs are just very demanding and passive-aggressive as if I have no awareness of the fact I have an ongoing book that needs to be updated! Just be respectful and don't jump to conclusions. Also, now that we're here, I'm not liable to answer all my DMs. If you had to wait a week before a reply, I apologise. And some people are calling me out when they've waited like 3 days, I'm sorry, but you can't have the expectation that I'll be able to get to everyone, because it's just a lot! I appreciate every comment or dm I get, I really do. It's hard to get to all of them, and then you all take it personally. I try my best to get to everyone, but just chill! 

That's all! Hope you enjoyed the chapter. See you at the next one <3 

And thank you to the patient and respectful people, I see you, I love you, I appreciate you! You're the people I want around me! That also includes the beautiful people who haven't gotten upset because I haven't been able to respond to their dm. Thank you so much and I'm hoping to get to you soon! xoxo

Lots of love to you! And you have my respect and gratitude.