unless you mean it || chris & matt sturniolo

chapter seventeen - chris pov

i barely hear the knock on my door, but i sit up immediately. nick and matt don't knock, so i know it's her. she opens the door and everything i need to know is written all over her face. she looks heartbroken. sad. like she doesn't know how to say what she's about to tell me.

"hey," she says, looking at the floor.

she walks over to my bed and sits down in front of me. "hey," i reply.

"chris i'm so sorry," she says, finally looking at me. her eyes are brimming with tears.

i know i should say something. i just don't know what. she grabs my hand and a tear spills down her cheek. i wipe it away with my thumb and watch her try to get the words out.

"i need you to know how important you are to me," she says. "i got so lucky that i found you guys again and i can't tell you how grateful i am for that. you have every right to hate me forever, but please don't take it out on matt. he cares about you so much and i don't think i could live with myself if-"

"kenna, it's okay." i interrupt her. "you don't have to explain."

"i do, though. you mean so much to me and it kills me that i'm hurting you," she says.

i can tell that she really means it. i'm not upset with her or matt, i just feel dumb because i really thought i had a chance. i can tell she at least feels something for me, but in the end i guess she just felt more for matt.

"i'll be okay," i say, trying my best to sound convincing. "i'm really happy for you guys."

she squeezes my hand and smiles at me. i think a part of me will always have feelings for her, but it'll get easier with time. as much as this hurts right now, keeping her in my life is what's most important to me whether she's with me or just my friend.

"let me know if you ever need anything, okay?" she says.

i nod and do my best to smile at her. she leans over and kisses me on the cheek, then stands up to leave. i watch her go, and as soon as the door is closed i text nick and ask him to come to my room because i don't feel like being alone. i know everything's gonna be okay, but it really fucking sucks right now.

my door opens, but it's not nick. matt stands in the doorway like he's scared to walk any closer to me. he looks nervous, but he has no reason to be.

"don't worry about it," i tell him before he can even say anything. "it's really okay."

i walk over to him. "we made a deal, remember? i have to be okay with it." i say.

"yeah, but now that it actually happened i just feel like shit," he says.

"don't. we're good, i swear," i tell him.

it sucks that she didn't choose me, but i knew that i could never let it get in between my relationship with matt. so i'm not gonna let it.

"you guys okay?" nick asks, coming down the stairs.

"yeah, we're good," i say. and i mean it.