unless you mean it || chris & matt sturniolo

chapter fourteen - matt pov

i throw the car keys down on the counter and put my hands up behind my head before looking over at chris. i'm trying so hard to stay calm and not freak out on him, but i can't. i'm fuming. he's just watching me, waiting for me to say the first word.

"we're fixing this right now," nick says, breaking the silence. "i don't care if you fucking yell at each other for hours, you're doing it now."

chris talks first. "matt i don't know why i kissed her, okay? it was so fucked up of me to do and i know that," he says.

"it's not like i'm dating her," i say, looking at the ground. "i don't even know if i have a right to be mad at you right now."

"you do. i knew you liked her, and i kissed her. no excuse," he says.

"did she kiss you back?" i ask, somehow much calmer than i feel.

it's the only thing i've been able to think about for the entire drive home. does even the tiniest part of her like him too?

chris hesitates to answer me. he looks down at the floor and says "yeah" quietly.

oh my god.

i don't even know what to think. i don't know what to do. i just sit there, emotionless.

"what are we gonna do?" I eventually ask, still looking at the ground.

"what do you mean?" chris asks.

"it's not like you're gonna make her decide between the two of you," nick chimes in. "that's fucked up."

that's not what i was implying, but i surprisingly don't think it's a bad idea.

"why not?" i say. "it's the only thing i can think of that would fix this."

"matt we're not gonna make her choose," chris says.

"if she doesn't wanna choose, then that's our answer. we move on. but if we wanna keep her in our lives, this is the only solution i can think of right now," i say. "we both care about her. if she wants to be with one of us, i don't think we should throw that away."

"but then what?" chris says. "say she chooses me. are you really gonna be okay with that?"

"are you gonna be okay if she chooses me?" i shoot back.

"i guess i'm gonna have to be," he says.

"you're not seriously considering this," nick says.

"if it were any other girl but kenna, i wouldn't be," i say.

"neither would i," chris agrees. i roll my eyes.

nick lets out a breath and shakes his head a little before saying, "you guys are fucking stupid."

i don't know why, but i just feel like this is the best way to fix this without doing any damage to my relationship with chris. if we don't let her choose, we'd probably never see her again. i'm not willing to give that up.

"chris, are you 100% sure you're okay with this?" i ask him.

he doesn't hesitate this time. "yeah. if she chooses you, i can accept that and think of her as just a friend," he says. "but you have to be able to do the same thing if she doesn't choose you."

his confidence that she won't pick me pisses me off, but i don't show it. i have to be just as confident. but i also have to be okay if she does pick him, because she might. i mean, she did kiss him back. who knows how she feels?

"i will," i tell him.

"are you still mad?" chris asks me.

"i'm not mad. it just really fucking sucks that she likes you too," i reply.

"first of all, you were mad. and second, i have no idea if she likes me," he says.

"she kissed you."

"i know, but-"

"i still think this is a really, really bad idea," nick cuts him off.

"do you have a better idea?" i ask him.

i know how it probably sounds to him, but i don't know what else to do. i don't wanna lose her if i don't have to. even if she does choose chris, at least she'll still be in my life.

"i just don't want this to affect your relationship," nick says, pointing between chris and me.

"it won't," chris says immediately.

"not at all," i add.

"okay," chris sighs. "let's talk to her."