unless you mean it || chris & matt sturniolo

chapter sixteen - kenna pov

it's been a week since i last saw the triplets, and i still haven't made a decision. the only decision i've made is that i want to choose one of them. i realized that they're right, this seems like the only way to stay in each other's lives, and if matt and chris really would be okay with it all, then i feel okay about it too.

i thought it would be easier than it is, though. i was definitely leaning more toward matt, obviously. i had feelings for him forever ago, and they came back stronger than ever. but i can't deny what i felt with chris in the parking lot when he caught me off guard and kissed me. it's too confusing.

they've both texted me a bunch of times since i saw them last. over the last week, this is what i've gotten from both of them.

chris: i know this might feel new and weird for you, but i've always felt something for you kenna. i'm sorry it took me so long to tell you that.

matt: if you don't wanna choose, you really don't have to. i'm sorry we put this on you

chris: i feel really bad for kissing you out of the blue the other night, but i could tell you felt what i felt. don't push that down

matt: i just want you to be a part of my life, whether that means you're mine or just my friend. you're worth everything to me

i haven't responded to either of them yet. i don't know what to say, but i also don't wanna say anything to them over a text message. i need to tell them in person.

i'm undeniably attracted to chris. he surprised me the other night, but was i just too caught up in matt to see what was right in front of me? he has a big heart, and truly cares about people. i love his playfulness and the way he lets everyone in his life know that he loves them. and he had feelings for me all throughout high school? i can't ignore that.

but then there's matt. matt, who's been the biggest light in my life the past couple of weeks. he never makes me feel like i have to be someone else around him. i love his laugh, his smile, the way he looks at me, and his perfect personality. he has so much good in him, and i know that him coming back into my life had to happen for a reason.

i love both of them so much. i've been going back and forth with myself, weighing pros and cons, but at the end of the day i just have to do what feels right.

instead of calling them to tell them, i just drive over to their house. it's pretty late, so i really hope they're home, cause i didn't tell them i was coming. i knock on the door before i can change my mind about all of this, and suddenly get really nervous.

nick opens the door, and a surprised look washes over his face. "hey," he says. "come in."

i thank him and walk inside, but i don't see matt or chris. nick sees me looking around, and answers my unspoken question.

"they're in their rooms," he says.

"actually, can i talk to you first?" i ask.

i'm feeling pretty confident that i have a decision, but having nick's support would make me feel so much better about everything.

"yeah, of course. let's go to my room," he says.

we walk up the stairs to his room and sit on his bed.

"i think i know what i wanna do, but i'm just worried about everything," i tell him.

"chris will be fine, i promise," nick says.

"wha- how did you know i was choosing matt?" i ask.

"i knew from the beginning that you would," he says. "anyone paying attention can see how you feel about him."

he's making me feel better already.

"i care about both of them so much. i just don't want to hurt chris's feelings," i say.

"i'm sure he'll be sad, yeah, but he'll get over it. both of them just want you to be a part of their lives in the end. we all do."

"i don't know what i did to deserve you guys."

"i think you coming back into our lives was what we needed," he says.

i smile at him. "thank you, nick."

"anytime," he says. "and for the record, i think you made the right choice."

"you do?"

"yeah. i've never seen matt act like this with a girl before."

i'm smiling even bigger now.

"plus, chris doesn't know shit about relationships. i love him to death, but i'm scared for the day he gets a girlfriend," nick adds.

i laugh and give him a hug before heading downstairs to matt's room. i feel a lot more confident in my decision than i did before talking to nick. i softly knock on matt's door and open it.

he's sitting in his chair with his gaming headset on, but he immediately takes it off when he sees me. he's wearing grey sweats and a black t-shirt. he looks so good.

"hey," he says as he stands up.

i close his door behind me and walk over to him. "hey," i reply.

he looks so nervous. "good news or bad news?" he asks.

i smile at him and wrap my hands around the back of his neck.

"it's always been you, matt," i say. "it always will be you."

he laughs a little bit before leaning down and kissing me. i smile into his kiss and i immediately feel like this is right. he grabs my face with both of his hands and kisses me hard, and i melt into him. in one motion, he grabs my thighs and picks me up and lays me down on his bed, still kissing me. his mouth moves to my ear as he settles himself between my legs. my entire body shudders when he lets out a breath right into my ear.

"what are you doing?" i laugh.

"showing you that you made the right choice," he says.

he starts kissing my neck as i run my hand through his hair and hold him closer to my body. i feel like i'm on fire. i tug at his shirt and he grabs it by the collar and slides it over his head. i stare at him for a second, not sure how someone like him is even real. he's perfect. i pull him back to me.

"you have no idea how long i've wanted to do this," he says breathlessly.

he leans back in, but i stop him. as much as i'm enjoying myself right now, i need to go talk to chris. he deserves an answer, even though i'm dreading giving him one.

"wait here," i tell matt. "i need to go talk to chris."

"i'm not going anywhere, trust me," he says.

i laugh and get off the bed. "is he gonna hate me?"

"kenna, he could never hate you," matt says, standing up and giving me a hug.

i hug him back, then look up to give him a quick kiss.

"don't go changing your mind on me," he says, smiling into another kiss.

"i couldn't even if i wanted to," i tell him.

he kisses my forehead. "it's all gonna be okay."

somehow, i believe him.

i close matt's door behind me and start to walk down the stairs to chris's room. i stop halfway down to try and process my thoughts. i have no idea how to tell him this. the last thing i want to do is hurt him, but i can't deny what i know i feel for matt.

it's now or never, and i know i need to do this. i take a deep breath, and knock on his door.